I‘m not a subtle person. And I simply couldn’t be if I tried.
True, certain people don’t like me, but there is one facet in their disregard for me that is uniform across the board in my dealings with these spiteful jackasses. They respect me and they stay the hell out of my way.
Whether they, of their own accord, want to grant me respect while I graciously accept, or whether I have to tell them to go fuck a wet pile of sand before they find the common decency within themselves to comply, they respect me whether they like it or not.
In my last post, “Learning How to Say No For Your Emotional Health” I emphasized the importance of owning up to the responsibility to yourself and to others to just say no. I’ve learned how to say no out of the necessity of having had to fight people of the parasite variation all my life to give me the space, independence and dignity of which I am 100% entitled.
It’s not enough that I’m a woman, I’m 5’1, 115 pounds and up until recently looked relatively young for my age. People make assumptions about me before I’m even given the chance to open my mouth and make a statement that I’m small, stupid and an easy pushover.
What’s more is people love to throw you under the bus. They love to watch you squirm, watch you eat dirt and watch you come crashing down against the earth breaking into a million tiny little pieces. These sick powerless bastards take pleasure in witnessing your downfall- especially when you deliver the blow to yourself that you are indeed as fragile as they had hoped.
Why do you feel it necessary to give them the satisfaction?
Like many of you, most of my life I’ve had any number of people try to take advantage of me. Associates at the office constantly ganging up on me and bullying me, girls in high school trying to jump me in the parking lot at school and people looking to pounce on any exposed weakness I may have unwittingly tied to my sleeve.
The crux is, my own weakness and vulnerability in not being able to say no or to stand up for myself is what encouraged people to hurt me.
I’ve learned to live in a perpetual state of having to protect myself from people who don’t mean shit to me in my life or the grand scheme, so it begs to ask:
If these people are inconsequential to my entire existence, why do their feelings matter? Why should I care about people who essentially wouldn’t give a second thought to whether I lived or died?
I’ve learned to be the way I am in order to survive. And to be honest, I wouldn’t trade in any of these clowns of the flea-circus sort who’ve ever shat on me and have endowed me with these invaluable defense strategies that ensure I won’t allow myself to be hurt.
You don’t have to allow yourself to be hurt either. You don’t have to be caught in people’s crosshairs of malevolence and indignation. Spiteful people lose their power when you take a stand against them- and they deserve to know they don’t have the power nor an icebergs chance in hell. You owe it to them to remind them- to be the bigger person and to teach these people a lesson.
You are not responsible for other people’s feelings
People are testing you. They are pressing you. They are bullying you and they are disrespecting you.
Yet, you are more concerned about hurting their feelings than safeguarding your own?
People rarely operate under the nuance of being completely out of line without knowing full well they are doing so. They know they are being assholes and that they are misbehaving, and they get some kind sick twisted pleasure and gratification in treating people badly.
So why do you put up with it? Why do you let it bother you when you can (and should) distance yourself from the blatant negativity of which constitutes their entire miserable existence?
They are not here to help improve your life since they have proven they are only in it to make you feel like a pile. When you learn to take stock of your own feelings and actions, other people’s feelings become inconsequential.
If you are doing what you know is right for you, why the hell should you let others make you feel bad or guilty about it?
People are more resilient than we give them credit for
When’s the last time you got your feelings hurt? I mean really hurt to the point of devastation and despair that you contemplated downing a bottle of pills and throwing yourself out of a second story window just because someone told you something you didn’t want to hear?
It’s a pretty safe bet that you never thought of taking a bottle of pills or throwing yourself out of a window. So why would you assume that other people would thrust themselves into the bowels of undignified hell just because you laid down some desperately-needed boundaries?
People who act like sadistic assholes don’t have the conscience or thought process to feel bad about what they’re doing to you. It doesn’t even occur to them.
If you are that impotent and ineffectual that you grant amoral unconscionable people the sovereign right over your feelings, you will never be able to stand up for nor preserve yourself nor what you believe in. And you will continue to be miserable at the hand of people who don’t give a fuck about you or where you might end up next week.
Tell them no and be done with it. They’ll get over it. People aren’t glasshouses UNLESS they’re improprietous jerks- people you could stand to lose and never look back on.
The ratio of respect to disassociation should always be balanced
People who deserve to be in your life, who want to be there and find reward in carrying on a mutually beneficial and satisfying relationship with you will make the needed concessions to remain in good standing. And one of the primary ways they demonstrate that is to stop being assholes.
People who want to demoralize you will no longer find pleasure in doing so when you show them that it can’t be accomplished- not by them and not by anyone. And something sublime is guaranteed to happen- they stop associating with you. They stop trying to cross boundaries and they stop trying steamroll and humiliate you because they can’t- because you are refusing to let them.
If they can’t be in your life out decency, kindness and charity as a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc., they don’t deserve to be in your life at all. And whether you decide to put stock in them or not, chances are, if they are there solely relative to your existence upon negative motivations, they will leave when they understand they are powerless against you regardless of your unwise and foolish emotional investments.
In short, should you care about other people’s feelings? Should they matter?
The answer is a resounding NO. Especially when they’ve set out to inflict damage on you like the sadistic, spineless assholes that they are. Get some balls to stand up to these people or keep allowing them to make you miserable.
The choice is yours. Should be an easy one.
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