Quick update on the Confidence package giveaway:
As many of you know, I’ve suffered a rather large setback this week losing data here on the site (hence the total revamping) and I’ve spent the last 5 days getting things back on track.
The giveaway launch will now take place on 5/28. I will be publishing the details then. Thank you for your patience! It’s been a very rough week.
I’ve been dating this guy for a month and so far, he has been a real gentleman. We’ve hit it off really well but I have a couple of concerns.
He just got out of a relationship and has said he wants to take things slow. I don’t want to rush it either but it bothers me that even though he says things like, “I really like you a lot, I never met anyone like you, I can’t stop thinking about you, etc,” he’s still not ready to claim me as his woman.
So what am I then? I’m not feeling comfortable being in relationship limbo. Did I mention he’s also obsessed with basketball- which so happens to come on every other day 9 months out of the year? When basketball is on I rarely hear from him, and if I do everything revolves around the game.
Should I pack up my ovaries or keep giving this guy umpteen chances?
Patience and Ovaries in Tow
I can’t say I blame you for wanting things to progress. A new relationship can be very exciting, particularly if we like the other person a great deal. Having said that, do you think he could honestly say the same about you?
Right now you seem to be fighting and losing against the tide of sweet talk, basketball games, limited attention spans and an uncertainty as to where your relationship stands.
I also have to emphasize that while you claim you “don’t want to rush” things, you are impatient and frustrated to the point of packing up your reproductive parts as he has not shown you any enthusiasm in prioritizing you as his main chick.
So which one is it? What are your true priorities? Because it sounds to me as though you’re just treading water rolling with whatever he wants in blind faith, believing it will eventually come into direct terms with what you want.
At this point, I just don’t see that happening. If you choose to keep waiting, that’s on you and “your ovaries”- two things he doesn’t seem to give two split hairs about.
Just how much have you given up already being with this guy spanning this short, month-long relationship? I can tell you. And this is just for starters:
1) You’ve given up total control. You’ve let him decide at what pace, grounds and context this relationship is to unfold.
2) You’ve given in to about 9 months worth of basketball resentment and bitterness by which doing naked cartwheels would nary suffice to keep his attention.
3) You’ve given him more wiggle room than he’s worth. Forgive me, but he doesn’t sound like much of a catch. Basketball fetish, ex-baggage and lots of empty sweet talk. It truly doesn’t get any more irresistible than that.
BUT you have to keep in mind above all else:
He just got out of a relationship. He isn’t in any position to make any sound and sincere judgments concerning any new relationship. Even yours.
In all likelihood, he doesn’t know what the hell he wants, except that he wants to watch basketball. And he doesn’t give a shit about you even being around when it comes time to do that.
You posed a very important and valid question. You asked, “So what am I then?”
Indeed, what are you? In other words, what have you resigned to allowing yourself to be?
If it’s being his girl “when he’s not too busy”, you’ve planted the seed. If it’s being “the girl he’s not really sure about”, you’re well on your way to disappointment stopping off at bullshit central before hanging a hard right into unmet expectations.
Why is it so necessary for you to hitch your wagon to this guy in particular? What has he done for you that has been just so damned amazing and spectacular that you’re thrilled and anxious to latch on tooth and nail?
Is “packing up your ovaries” doublespeak for desperation? Are you racing against the clock worried this guy might be your last and only chance? If so, you’re dating this guy, and any other guy for that matter, for all the wrong reasons.
C’mon. Is he truly and honestly the absolute best you can do?
Relationships = your priorities. And if your priorities amount to a lot more than what the other person has on their agenda, you’re guaranteed to wind up having to live with your share of the shorter end of the stick.
One last note:
Men don’t talk, they do. And if all a man ever does is talk, that’s all he’s ever going to do.
His actions and words don’t add up. Start paying closer attention to what he does and not what he says before you find yourself having to pay the piper.
Prioritize what you want irrespective of which guy is going to be there to honor it.
Hope this helps.
Melissa aka FeistyWoman
You may also like:
- 5 Must-Be-Squashed Confidence Killers
- How Do I Step Up My Game?
- Communication Dodgers Ego Boners and Outright Lies
- Conducting Yourself Properly – Tools to Avoid Being Called a Nag and a Bitch
- 25 Signals You’re Not Ready For a Relationship