5 Must-Be-Squashed Confidence Killers

Hi everyone! Brief announcement before I get on with today’s soapbox session.

I mentioned last week in a Facebook page and Twitter announcement I’m hosting my very own special giveaway!

That’s right! Two weeks from today on 5-28, I will be randomly drawing two lucky winning names- one from my Facebook fan page and the other from my email subscriber list to receive my latest program “Confidence Building: Take Charge of Your Love Life Today and Get the Relationship You Deserve!”

This is a tremendous value, with well over 8 hours of in-depth, interactive consultative insight jam-packed in this amazing 3-part program. And the best part is, two very lucky people are getting this program free!

The official giveaway launch will not be until 5-21, but I’m giving everybody a pre-launch heads up!

There are two ways to sign up for the giveaway:

1) Like my Facebook page.

2) Subscribe to my newsletter in the upper right hand corner (yup that earthy pink square thingy)!

Existing Facebook fans and email subscribers are automatically entered in the drawing and some of you devotees have already subscribed to both. HUGE thanks to you!

*But* if you’re already on my email subscriber list, you are not qualified for the Facebook giveaway (subscriber list giveaway only, no dual entries).

The detailed rules of the giveaway will be announced at the official giveaway launch on 5-21. It’s a wonderful program and I’m very proud and excited to begin offering it. If you haven’t already signed up, please do so and tell your friends! If you believe in my work, help me spread the word!

Without further ado, let’s get to today’s post!

 

 

Nothing will kill your confidence quicker than the “powers that be” working against you and turning things to shit, while they conspire like scoundrels hand over fist doing anything and everything beyond your control.

Or are they?

Ah fooey. I’m of the belief that our confidence, expectations and end results are 99.9% of our own doing and consequence. I’ve said before countless times that I don’t buy into the two-headed coin of self-depreciation- the same one you can keep betting on tails and you’re guaranteed to lose every time gambling against the odds of negative bullshit and lies.

There are 5 very common pain in the ass notions you need to do away with this instant before they kill any chance you have of building your own infallible confidence empire (yes, such a thing does exist). I know, it seems like you’re never going to surmount the Mt. Kilimanjaro of self-consciousness and self-loathing. But if I can do it, so can you. I’ve faced more adversity in my life than I care to shake a stick at.

It’s high time we break those chains that bind.

1) Naysayers

We’ve all got someone looking over our shoulder, who doesn’t believe in what we’re doing.

We’ve all got someone who tells us that who we are is never going to grant us the much-needed acceptance we “must have” in order to be somebody in this world.

Maybe it’s your boss. Maybe it’s your friends. Maybe it’s that loser guy you’re sharing a world with he doesn’t deserve to be in.

Let me ask you something, what the hell do they know and from which enigmatic force are these people deriving their invincible branding and brainwashing powers?

They are nobody. That’s who. And they have no right to tell you you can’t be who you want to be.

And, if you’re one of the many unfortunate ones who are pouring this horse down the back of your own neck, stop it. Stop it right now. Kick that voice in the throat and shut him up once and for all.

2) The need for external validation

This ties in at the hip with #1. When we buy into other people’s naysayer bullshit, we’re letting them take the wheel and steer us into the ditch. We’re giving people all the power we don’t realize we’re detracting from ourselves and it’s impossible to feel worthy, secure and confident when we give others the reins.

What drives the need for external validation? A lack of eternal love in oneself and a belief in fear of what we are actually and truly capable of. It’s very difficult to be your own person when you don’t take the risk- the fear can be paralyzing rendering you co-dependent on the approval of others.

To resign your own power is to remain imprisoned in a self-defeating dungeon of hell with the trapdoor and eject button one dangerous click away.

Take a step back and breathe. They don’t own you. Give them their pink slip and get back in the driver’s seat. It’s time to take charge.

3) Self-loathing

I guarantee we hate ourselves more than that of our worst enemies- and as a general rule, we are our own worst enemy because we see things that others don’t.

We don’t want to believe in ourselves and bring about our own force of positivity and accomplishment because it’s easier to sit here and marinate in past failures, regrets and mistakes. It’s easier to believe in the bad stuff when we can’t see the good stuff being shrouded by our own unsubstantiated notions of failure.

We wrap ourselves in the blanket of self-hate because the world and everything in it that stinks to high heaven tells us that we should. There’s comfort in being miserable to those who don’t want to change.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

It all starts with you.

4) Negative past relationships

We’ve all gotten involved with people who are absolute turds. We wish we’d taken the long detour and missed the boat instead of sticking around and having to live through the utter misery.

All that’s left are the ruins among the ashes and we are destined to never love or trust anyone again. We will never again allow ourselves to open up to anybody and we’re going to keep blaming the next guy because he just happens to be there to assume the guilt and cause of this whole mess.

That’s not the way it is. The new guy isn’t your first real love circa 1985 in the meat grinder, nor is he destined to be that future toolbag husband who’s going to cheat on you and treat you like a pile.

Wipe the slate clean and leave the past in the past. No more anger anchors. Let it go and rise above it.

5) Misinterpreted and flawed choices

We really, really like this girl/guy and we don’t care how wrong they are for us. Because in the long run, we trust that this person will do the right thing even when we know in a million fucking years it isn’t so.

“If I just do this one thing perfectly, this person who doesn’t even want me all that much is going to stay and love me forever.”

“I know deep down this person is good and forthright, even though he/she didn’t come home for two days and lied unflinchingly about where they’ve been and why.”

“If I ignore this huge red flag, the problem will just go away and POOF, everything will work out perfectly just the way I know it will.”

And when all these things turn out the way we know they will but deny, ignore and sweep under the rug, we are walking the 500 ft tightrope of crushing defeat without a safety net.

We build it up and watch it fall- and we’re ultimately the ones who suffer.

Start listening to your gut. It’s there screaming at you from a place that has your best interests on the forefront.

I know, I know it’s all easier said than done and you’re already thinking that you just can’t do it. I’m here to tell you, you can. As soon as you make that life-changing decision.  That’s really all it takes.

Confidence building is always a work in progress and some days will undoubtedly be better than others. The main thing you can do right now is believe. Not in any more of the dream-killing bullshit but in the things that seem too beautiful to be possible.

They aren’t impossible. They are alive and well, waiting for you embrace them. You can do it.

“The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one single step.” – Chinese Proverb

You may also like:

• 99 Remedies For the Relationship Impaired
• Taking Risks – Ensuring You’re on the Path to True Love
• 25 Signals You’re Not Ready For a Relationship
• Are You Relationship Worthy?
• The Kind of Woman a Man Never Forgets