This is an all-encompassing diagnostic list designed to remedy your most inefficient relationship no-nos. No time like the present to get right down to business:
1. Get real. Who keeps on fumbling here? If you’re the common denominator, time to start changing something.
2. Have more realistic expectations. No more sky-high pies in the sky- especially when you’ve hardly the room on your plate.
3. Love thyself- more than you’d ever dream. It’s the only way they will too.
4. Brighten someone’s day. Give your time, lend an ear and show you care. You have to give love to receive it.
5. Be in the present. No more holding onto the past or leveraging your future against all those unknown “what ifs”.
6. Release your pent up anger. Talk about it, write about it, or go to the gym and cycle it off. Do what you can to let off some steam.
7. Trust people who are worthy of your trust, even when it hurts like hell. It’s the only sure path to intimacy.
8. Stop being judgmental. You have no idea what that person’s been through.
9. Quit living in relationship denial and burying your head in the sand. Willful ignorance and avoidance of responsibility is no excuse.
10. Bid your final farewells to all the exes, frenemies and posers who don’t mean a damn thing. They’re out of your life for good- and for a very good reason.
11. No more chasing. No more racing against someone else’s clock. You are above being buried in somebody’s rolodex.
12. Count your blessings. Many people have huge problems you’re very fortunate you’ll never have to deal with.
13. Have the courage to speak up. No one’s going to hear you unless you speak.
14. Smile. It makes you prettier, younger and sexier. And 100% more attractive.
15. As much as you feel you need to, don’t call/text back right away. Build up some longing and anticipation.
16. Eliminate the guesswork- if something just isn’t working, it’s not a clue to keep on digging. It’s a clue to walk away.
17. Place people above things- things aren’t going to keep your bare tootsies warm under the covers at night.
18. Have sex later and on your terms. Everyone’s got ass, not many have the guts to keep it to themselves.
19. Bring something extra to the table- like intelligence. Men dig smart chicks more than bacon and malt beverages.
20. Tame your insecure green-eyed monster. She’s your most unattractive feature and your very worst enemy.
21. Always know that you’re special- especially when people try and convince you that you’re not.
22. Stop treating your vagina like a cheese sandwich. It’s not a commodity- it’s an invaluable asset.
23. Have faith in you. Where people fail you (and they will) know that what they do doesn’t make you the failure.
24. Get out there in the world and be somebody. It’s easier to meet lots of people and fall in love that way.
25. Have long term goals that have nothing to do with relationships. Make it a priority to excel in every aspect of your life.
26. Throw away the old painful memories- they serve no purpose but to anchor you and keep you from moving forward.
27. Hone in on your charm and wit. People can’t help but be drawn to charisma and positivity.
28. Don’t worry so much about other people’s opinions. Consider the source and you’ll find that they and their opinions aren’t worth a damn.
29. Be honest with yourself. Have you taken any positive steps towards bettering you and your surroundings?
30. Take advice from your PC best friend with a grain of salt. Chances are they don’t want to hurt your feelings.
31. Believe that there is more to life than having to sift through crap. Life isn’t about struggling unless you want to keep it that way.
32. Hold your hand out for someone who really needs you- you could be saving their life.
33. Learn how to love every part of you by silencing that voice inside that relentlessly tries to crush all your ambitions.
34. If the guy doesn’t want to talk to you, believe it. He really is avoiding you on purpose.
35. Always zero in on your personal strengths and focus on them intently. This is where you will draw all of your courage.
36. Resist the urge to pick up that phone and revive the pain. It’s over. Stay away.
37. Stop rationalizing the situation. In time you’ll learn that it didn’t work out because something greater did.
38. No more selfishness. Relationships don’t occur in a vacuum. It’s a two-way street.
39. Be mindful of how you treat others. It will reflect positively or negatively on you, full circle.
40. Beware of karma. The hearts you break today will be yours tomorrow.
41. Study up on the law of attraction. You will attract exactly what you deserve.
42. The world doesn’t owe you anything but what you’re consciously putting into it.
43. Be genuinely charitable and resourceful. The world’s already stuffed with people who take and take and give nothing in return.
44. Look in the mirror and see the beauty in yourself- especially 0n the days that you find you really have to force yourself.
45. Stop trying to find all the answers- sometimes there just aren’t any. Go with it and flow with it.
46. Adopt a glass-half-full mentality, otherwise you’ll soon find your glass completely empty.
47. Learn to trust the right people. You’ll benefit greatly in uniting behind the good people of the world.
48. Realize that you’re not separate therefore, not alone. We’re a lot closer to each other than we think.
49. Never do things for people out of guilt. It’s never genuine and it’s bound to cause pain and resentment.
50. Learn to budget your time among certain people. Give a greater portion to those who value it.
51. Wear the appropriate relationship hat for the appropriate relationship. Serious is serious, not so much is not so much.
52. Stop comparing your love life to others’. There is a specific plan laid out for you that will be even better. Believe it.
53. Stop yourself from giving too much too soon. It makes you appear weak and easily manipulated- and never attractive.
54. Get rid of your inclination to wallow in a poor attitude. You wind up stuck there and pretty soon, nobody wants you.
55. As soon as someone starts being a communication dodger, dodge them altogether. Ignoring texts and calls isn’t a compliment.
56. Have a little faith in yourself. You can accomplish whatever you want, so long as you know that you can.
57. Get a massage. It is the ultimate relaxation therapy. You’ll feel like a new person.
58. Give someone a sincere compliment. The adoration and lifting of spirits is contagious.
59. Stop dating bad boys and give the nice guy a chance. He may actually be “The One“ you’ve been looking for all along.
60. Stop tempting people to treat you badly. Have a backbone- with it, it’s damn near impossible for people to tear you down.
61. Be your own source of inspiration. Stand out in the crowd by believing in yourself. It’s extremely desirable.
62. Slow down. Quit running, trying, doing, and talking. Stop and notice what most people miss.
63. Learn to trust in your own instincts. They are your wise friend against those who are seeking to make you their enemy.
64. Let love fill your life. Love is the answer to all the world’s problems. Let it flourish in you.
65. Carefully weigh the consequences. Life’s too short to be passive against measuring all checks and balances.
66. No more relationship-trashing. Remember, relationships are a good thing- not a super-imposed hopeless nightmare.
67. Put away the relationship “by age 30 list”. You’re only adding undue pressure and inevitable disappointment.
68. Stop dating the emotionally void and bankrupt. They will never ever be able to give you what you truly need and want.
69. Explore the “impossible”. You never know what you’re going to discover that will surround you with untapped joy and happiness.
70. Start believing in marriage and monogamy again 100%- they really do work. I’m living proof.
71. Stop taking everything so personally. People aren’t out to get you, they’re too busy screwing themselves.
72. Don’t throw gasoline on the fire. Closing your mouth and walking away is often the most powerful statement a person can make.
73. Don’t make any more excuses. Just leave. Sometimes it is the best and only choice.
74. Give yourself a pat on the back just for being who you are. As soon as you can accept yourself, you can accept all of the great things that come right along with it.
75. Learn how to say no, righteously and unapologetically. Learn to take charge of your own choices and watch the undue stress melt away.
76. Trust in your own wisdom. Only you can see the world through your own eyes and your own experiences. Your wisdom is your best friend.
77. Don’t listen to the people who tear you down. They are threatened, jealous and frightened of your tremendous potential.
78. Don’t throw away those rose-colored glasses. You’ll need them when things get tough.
79. Put more stock into what people can’t see on the outside. It is always what’s inside that makes or breaks a relationship.
80. Don’t be afraid of confrontation. It gets right down to the all-important nitty-gritty often being obscured by useless BS.
81. No more keeping tabs. If you feel you have to keep tabs on what people are doing for you, you’re either a stingy, self-imposed tool or the people in your life just aren’t doing enough.
82. Have a good time. “Good-time girl/guy” always gets plenty of attention.
83. Be determined to put yourself out there. People won’t know how to come to us if we’re not available.
84. Have a pet- even a few. A dog or a cat gives the soul much-needed nourishment.
85. Get out of debt. Shopping and consumption shouldn’t be your relationship bandaid. And financial baggage is a huge dealbreaker for most.
86. Put away the porn. It’s a disruption, a distraction and a lonely lens in which to view the world. Use your brain as the visual muscle instead. It conditions and sharpens all senses.
87. Put more stock in finding someone worth spending your time with, instead of spending it with someone who merely fills the void in passing time.
88. Know that you’re not destined to remain alone! There are 7 billion people out there- you’re bound to find the right one for you!
89. Resist the urge to ignore red flags. They are warning signals. Where there’s smoke, there’s always fire. Don’t think- instead, run.
90. Go to a counselor. If you’re truly suffering and find each day more and more of a struggle, seek professional help.
91. Get healthy. Eat right, get out and exercise. Depression, anxiety and sleepless nights are practically cured with exercise.
92. Be inquisitive and curious. Find out how things work. You’ll find yourself discovering people and things you never knew existed.
93. Be a challenge. Let him get insanely fascinated by what you don’t readily disclose. He’ll be dying to know more about what you make not-so-obvious.
94. Get acclimated to spending time in solitude. Listen to your inner voice and hear what it says. You’ll get to know you better than anyone else. Hint: Meditation.
95. Wake up in the morning and make laughing one of the very first orders of the day, then learn to make it a habit and a ritual. Laughter cures everything (Comedian Steve Martin gets up in the morning everyday and practices laughing at his own reflection in the mirror).
96. When dating, always possess the “winning” mindset- knowing that even if you “lose” this one, you can look forward to winning the next. The winning mindset keeps those negative cycles at bay.
97. Focus on your friendships. Spend time with family. These are the people who are there to give you the boost you need. Celebrate with them and be joyous.
98. Don’t push people away. As a defense mechanism, we push people away because we are mistrustful and to shield ourselves from hurt. Let them in. Don’t be afraid to try again.
99. When you find that special person to love, love them with total abandon. We only live once. Do it like you never will again.
Anything you’d like to add?
You may also like:
- 25 Signals You’re Not Ready For a Relationship
- Taking Risks – Ensuring You’re on the Path to True Love
- Conducting Yourself Properly: Tools to Avoid Being Called a Nag and a Bitch
- Are You Relationship Worthy?
- The Kind of Woman a Man Never Forgets
Love em Feisty – one more to add
Live your life as an exclamation not an explanation!
OMG Heather I love that one! Sheesh but I def won’t be one of those Twitter hijack quote losers who steals it and claims it for himself. Haha!!
FW
Excellent advice
such a shame so many of us ladies don’t learn any of this til much later in life! The sad part is most of us already know all of this in our hearts but question our gut instincts because we think we’re being judgmental and narrowminded. Nothing like getting burned to bring us back to basics! All for the best in the end 
You’re definitely right about that, Carolyn. We have trouble listening most of the time out of kindness, gutlessness and guilt- to our own discord. Too bad we can’t use our knowledge when we’re young, when we need it the most.
FW
I have a problem attracting the communication dodgers. I dated one for over a year before I finally dumped him. Next guy I started to date turned out to be even worse with it than my ex. I keep making excuses or attempt to see the best in the situation but what I really need to do is stop and drop them like a bad habit. They tell me jump, I say how high. I have no reason to live my life by someone else’s whims. UGH!
It’s stuff like this that I need to keep telling myself on a regular basis, which is why I love your blog!
Nice to see you again, HP.
It’s quite difficult to work your way up to being an anti-people pleaser. When you finally get fed up with the cost of people pleasing always outweighing the benefits, you’ll never go back. It’s just a matter of getting there. Keep working at it.
FW
hi Feisty!
I’d say, to step back, take a break, work on yourself then come back when you’re feeling your best. Date for the good things, for the whole pie(you call it marriage and monogamy), not for a piece-meal (Natalie from BR calls it “crumbs”.)
I’ve been taking a break and working on myself, it feels good now to be alone yet confident! Trust thyself- I’d say is key.
thanks for your awesome advice,
Miriam