I‘ve been authoring this blog for 1.5 years and despite my outlandish, purposefully theatrical and controversial unique verbage and vocality, I have yet to be called a bitch, a nag, or a feminist (with the exception of this solitary incident of which I ascertained my position as just the opposite).
The same can be said of me in real life- I’m a lady and always ensure I conduct myself properly and few people are rarely, if ever, unreceptive to me in a positive way.
Which brings me to this post. I recently received an inquiry from a young woman who has found she has difficulty asserting her stance as a respectable woman “with a voice” without being resigned to and dismissed by men as a “nag”, a feminist or an angry bitch. I can fully appreciate her sense of frustration as women are often narrowly defined by engendered stereotypes that permeate every aspect of our culture.
We live in a deeply-engrained misogynistic society where women often face great difficulty in avoiding being stereotyped.
Here’s what she had to say:
“The thing that has been on my mind lately is the stereotype that men have about women being a nag/clinger when they try to assert themselves.
A woman is a nag because she expects you to show basic human respect and decency?
A woman is a clinger because she wants to spend time with you? She believes you are interested in her so why are you surprised she wants to see you and talk to you? Seems the only difference between love and clinging is the reciprocation of feelings.
Also, some women are true ball busters who hate men, but I hate when a man assumes you are a crazy feminist standing on a soap box because you have an opinion and you say it.”
Vocalness, Victimization and Virulence
Women are very adept at expressing their feelings. We have a very strong and intuitive grasp on our emotions and we tend to feel more than we think (emotion vs. logic).
Women love to talk, they love to nurture and they are more physically affectionate. We often jump at the chance to express ourselves in various ways that reflect precisely what we are feeling- whether we’re conscious of it or not.
Women tend to wear their emotions on their sleeve. Thus even when a woman strives to maintain to herself and others that she is independent, has a voice, and has a very positive self-image, people are very receptive as to whether this is true of her or not.
Many women are strong and independent- but they are loud, proud and tout it in such a way that is not tasteful, and is instead repugnant. Thus she easily becomes the “nag”. She becomes the angry feminist and the all-intrusive man-hating bitch.
“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” The same can be said of “it’s not what you do but how you do it”.
I am strong, independent, have ample confidence and self-esteem but I don’t have to argue about it or convince anyone of its validity and I don’t victimize myself by encouraging others to judge me negatively in attempting to prove it. It is carried out in my mannerisms and actions and my choice of words- which are never resistant, argumentative, indignant or incongruous to my behavior.
Even fools seem smart when they are quiet. -Proverbs 17:28
Men Aren’t Used to Women Who Are Gracious and Well-Mannered
Men are no longer acclimated to being around feminine women. Instead they’re surrounded by drunkards, booty call girls/FWBs, gold-diggers, bridezillas, and sexually aggressive she-men.
Women resist being women because they feel as though to do so would be to relinquish their power and independence. Little do they realize, they’re left utterly powerless and ineffective by not harnessing the true power in being feminine.
If you want respect, loyalty, and graciousness, you have to be part and parcel to what that entails. And more importantly- you have to be a kind and welcoming recipient of such treatment.
The young woman who wrote in mentioned men who “assume she is a crazy man-hating feminist”. Men didn’t just pull this euphemism down from the bright blue sky, slap a label on it and brand every woman with it he sees fit.
Men who stereotype women in this fashion are fully acclimated to encountering women who, sadly, fit a lower standard. And unfortunately, these men themselves, as a condition, are jaded and bewildered and bitter towards most women in general.
I recently had a conversation with one of my clients about what he sees is the seeming scarcity of respectable, decent and available women. He said most of the women he encounters are “angry, they don’t have values and they aren’t respectful.”
Turn on your television, watch some reality TV and see for yourself. You have women parading, berating and showboating, who pride themselves on being vile, promiscuous, ill-mannered and self-loathsome.
Women don’t want to be women based on fears that are unfounded and contradictory- and they don’t even consider that it is to their own detriment.
The Masculinization of Women
Men do not want women who act like men. And women have such trouble digesting and believing this.
Women are being met with men’s indifference because men are being met with women’s resistance. Women resist letting a man pay for meals and gifts (by not even recognizing these finer treatments are complimentary), they resist letting a man do the pursuing, and they resist allowing a relationship to progress slowly and naturally.
They are too sexually forward, they are arrogant and they are demanding and competitive. They do not desire men who will treat them like a lady- instead they want a man who treats her very much like “one of the guys”. They want a binge drinking buddy, someone who likes to couch-surf in exchange for easy sex and someone they’ve come to expect in all likelihood won’t be around tomorrow- essentially someone who treats them with indifference.
If women could wrap their motivations around acting like women, this as-of late seemingly grim precedent might change. Perhaps women could understand that to act like a woman doesn’t mean to be docile, submissive, muted or pliable- it means to be considerate, respectable, gracious and feminine.
As I have been in the past, I may very well find myself being attacked again for “gender” stereotyping by carrying out “yesteryear’s traditions”. But there is a reason such traditions are tried and true- because they work.
You may also like:
- Real Men Don’t Marry Losers
- The Difference Between Girls and Women Part I
- The Difference Between Girls and Women Part II
- 5 Drop Dead Sexy Things They Say Women Should Never Do
- I Am the Woman AND the Man