I read a detailed memoir written by a woman who described herself in a tragic affair with a married man as being “the most beautiful and fulfilling experience of her life”. She insisted that “every woman is missing out should she never experience this kind of magical, perfect romance at least once.”
Funny, I always thought that a woman finding her own perfect life partner would be her greatest fulfillment, and that settling for a relationship with a married man set some very basic, unspoken rules- that are never in the interest of positioning one’s self near achieving real fulfillment.
It’s difficult to buy into the idea that an affair is so “cup runneth over” when being with a married man in itself is severely limited. The crux is that this woman, and many other women who are seeing married men, see these limitations as an irresistibly attractive benefit. To be sure, being with a married man can build some pretty tall castles in the sky.
But if the most fulfilling and romantic experience of your life is a brief, tragic affair with a man who could only afford to give you a what little tidbits he could squeeze out when he could find the time, I’d say you’re the one who’s missing out. You’re missing out on the true beauty and fulfillment of having someone who wants to share in your life 100%.
I feel for these women and I can’t help but to think that somewhere in their lives, someone or something has failed them terribly. Whether someone tarred, feathered and maimed them convincing them they don’t deserve better, or whether they are so love-starved and lonely that filling the void with a married man is their only other alternative.
Nevertheless, let’s examine the true benefits of dating a married man:
You Never Have to Worry About Him Being Too Nice
This is really a great benefit, especially for women who find nice guys repulsive because he’s not going to call you when you think he should, he doesn’t have to explain himself, he’s not going to remember you on Valentine’s Day or anniversaries and he doesn’t even have to tell you he loves you much less mean it if he says it at all.
The fact is, a man who chooses to have an affair with you isn’t being very nice at all- because he knows he can’t give you the world. He knows he can’t give you what you deserve and he knows that he isn’t in for the long haul.
You don’t ever have to worry about him cramping your style by being too nice because he’s going to lie, be sneaky, connive and let you go on pretending you have a future. Really, it just doesn’t get any “nicer” than that.
You Don’t Have to Worry About Getting Him to Commit
Many women have trouble getting a man to even think about buying a ring, setting a wedding date and signing the deed on a mortgage. You don’t have to worry about any of this at all being with a married man.
Being with a married man means absolutely no pressure. You’ll never have to worry about him hanging around so much that you’re dying to get rid of him. You don’t have to worry about sharing nasty cold viruses, unstable finances, a crammed place together or any annoying family holidays.
Children? You can just forget about him being around for that, especially if he’s already got a few of those running around at home using up all his time and resources.
And perhaps the biggest benefit of knowing that he can’t commit is that you can expect that he will up and leave any second without any rhyme or reason. Poof, he’s gone just like that.
Commitment? Don’t kid yourself. He owes you nothing.
You Don’t Have to Worry About Him Leaving His Wife
Leave his wife? You’d best just forget it. She’s been with him through a lot of shit.
You don’t have to worry about him leaving his wife because he is still fully vested in his marriage, despite what he tells you and in spite of what you want to believe- otherwise he wouldn’t still be married nor be forced to keep lying to you.
She still means a great deal to him, even if he is having mind-blowing sex with you. And don’t kid yourself honey, chances are, they’re still having sex too. She’s his wife.
They share a real life together filled with financial obligations (that’s a big one), health problems, kids getting knocked up and getting kicked out of school, stress on the job, marriage counseling and keeping up on appearances (mommy and daddy-in-law and all the nosy neighbors are always making sure they’re kept abreast on everything that’s going on).
She’s also his #1 source of moral support and she’s the sole beneficiary on his very expensive life insurance policy. Why would he leave someone of whom he’s vested so much of his interest?
The fact that he isn’t going to leave is wife is a huge benefit for you- you get to sit around and pretend your relationship with your married beau is more than it really is. How’s that for making all your dreams come true?
You Don’t Have to Worry About Him Making You His #1 Priority
In fact, you probably shouldn’t worry about being even among his top 10 priorities. Married men, especially those with children, have a strict order of non-negotiable liabilities riding on their shoulders that have absolutely nothing to do with having an affair with you.
A man generally gets married in order to establish priorities that he didn’t have as a bachelor- namely offering 100% commitment and accountability to the woman he loves. You think he doesn’t love her even a little bit? Think again. She’s his wife for Pete’s sake.
The 3 most important things to a married man are:
1) Providing food and shelter for his family.
2) Maintaining his career.
3) Finding the time to do both successfully.
You don’t have to worry about your married man concerning himself with feeding you, putting a roof over your head, or paying your bills because he’s already doing that for himself and a few other people (although some deep-pocketed generous men have been known to do this for their mistresses from time to time).
You also needn’t worry about him being there for you when you’re in the hospital having surgery or attending your sister’s funeral because he has his own surgeries and funerals to tend to.
You don’t have to worry about being invited to his company barbeques and you’ll never have to worry about being seen with him candidly in public portraying his #1- because he already has a #1 and she isn’t you.
You don’t ever have to worry about being a priority- because he knows he shouldn’t even be screwing around with you, much less be inclined to make it a life priority.
The benefits of being with a married man are endless, namely, all of the bothersome things you normally look for and expect in a real relationship are no longer a concern being with a married man. You don’t have to worry about the entire world riding on your shoulders when he can only afford to give you a sliver of what makes a real relationship a total pain in the ass. Like commitment, being there and planning a future. What married guy in his right mind wants to do that?
Being with a married man is total freedom because to you, he’s under absolutely no obligation.
You may also like:
- The Female Marriage Proposal
- I’m Married Because I’m a Bitch
- Being the Other Woman and Being the Footstool
- What Do You Do When He Pisses You Off?
- The BS Confident Women Never Tolerate From Men