I read a detailed memoir written by a woman who described herself in a tragic affair with a married man as being “the most beautiful and fulfilling experience of her life”. She insisted that “every woman is missing out should she never experience this kind of magical, perfect romance at least once.”
Funny, I always thought that a woman finding her own perfect life partner would be her greatest fulfillment, and that settling for a relationship with a married man set some very basic, unspoken rules- that are never in the interest of positioning one’s self near achieving real fulfillment.
It’s difficult to buy into the idea that an affair is so “cup runneth over” when being with a married man in itself is severely limited. The crux is that this woman, and many other women who are seeing married men, see these limitations as an irresistibly attractive benefit. To be sure, being with a married man can build some pretty tall castles in the sky.
But if the most fulfilling and romantic experience of your life is a brief, tragic affair with a man who could only afford to give you a what little tidbits he could squeeze out when he could find the time, I’d say you’re the one who’s missing out. You’re missing out on the true beauty and fulfillment of having someone who wants to share in your life 100%.
I feel for these women and I can’t help but to think that somewhere in their lives, someone or something has failed them terribly. Whether someone tarred, feathered and maimed them convincing them they don’t deserve better, or whether they are so love-starved and lonely that filling the void with a married man is their only other alternative.
Nevertheless, let’s examine the true benefits of dating a married man:
You Never Have to Worry About Him Being Too Nice
This is really a great benefit, especially for women who find nice guys repulsive because he’s not going to call you when you think he should, he doesn’t have to explain himself, he’s not going to remember you on Valentine’s Day or anniversaries and he doesn’t even have to tell you he loves you much less mean it if he says it at all.
The fact is, a man who chooses to have an affair with you isn’t being very nice at all- because he knows he can’t give you the world. He knows he can’t give you what you deserve and he knows that he isn’t in for the long haul.
You don’t ever have to worry about him cramping your style by being too nice because he’s going to lie, be sneaky, connive and let you go on pretending you have a future. Really, it just doesn’t get any “nicer” than that.
You Don’t Have to Worry About Getting Him to Commit
Many women have trouble getting a man to even think about buying a ring, setting a wedding date and signing the deed on a mortgage. You don’t have to worry about any of this at all being with a married man.
Being with a married man means absolutely no pressure. You’ll never have to worry about him hanging around so much that you’re dying to get rid of him. You don’t have to worry about sharing nasty cold viruses, unstable finances, a crammed place together or any annoying family holidays.
Children? You can just forget about him being around for that, especially if he’s already got a few of those running around at home using up all his time and resources.
And perhaps the biggest benefit of knowing that he can’t commit is that you can expect that he will up and leave any second without any rhyme or reason. Poof, he’s gone just like that.
Commitment? Don’t kid yourself. He owes you nothing.
You Don’t Have to Worry About Him Leaving His Wife
Leave his wife? You’d best just forget it. She’s been with him through a lot of shit.
You don’t have to worry about him leaving his wife because he is still fully vested in his marriage, despite what he tells you and in spite of what you want to believe- otherwise he wouldn’t still be married nor be forced to keep lying to you.
She still means a great deal to him, even if he is having mind-blowing sex with you. And don’t kid yourself honey, chances are, they’re still having sex too. She’s his wife.
They share a real life together filled with financial obligations (that’s a big one), health problems, kids getting knocked up and getting kicked out of school, stress on the job, marriage counseling and keeping up on appearances (mommy and daddy-in-law and all the nosy neighbors are always making sure they’re kept abreast on everything that’s going on).
She’s also his #1 source of moral support and she’s the sole beneficiary on his very expensive life insurance policy. Why would he leave someone of whom he’s vested so much of his interest?
The fact that he isn’t going to leave is wife is a huge benefit for you- you get to sit around and pretend your relationship with your married beau is more than it really is. How’s that for making all your dreams come true?
You Don’t Have to Worry About Him Making You His #1 Priority
In fact, you probably shouldn’t worry about being even among his top 10 priorities. Married men, especially those with children, have a strict order of non-negotiable liabilities riding on their shoulders that have absolutely nothing to do with having an affair with you.
A man generally gets married in order to establish priorities that he didn’t have as a bachelor- namely offering 100% commitment and accountability to the woman he loves. You think he doesn’t love her even a little bit? Think again. She’s his wife for Pete’s sake.
The 3 most important things to a married man are:
1) Providing food and shelter for his family.
2) Maintaining his career.
3) Finding the time to do both successfully.
You don’t have to worry about your married man concerning himself with feeding you, putting a roof over your head, or paying your bills because he’s already doing that for himself and a few other people (although some deep-pocketed generous men have been known to do this for their mistresses from time to time).
You also needn’t worry about him being there for you when you’re in the hospital having surgery or attending your sister’s funeral because he has his own surgeries and funerals to tend to.
You don’t have to worry about being invited to his company barbeques and you’ll never have to worry about being seen with him candidly in public portraying his #1- because he already has a #1 and she isn’t you.
You don’t ever have to worry about being a priority- because he knows he shouldn’t even be screwing around with you, much less be inclined to make it a life priority.
The benefits of being with a married man are endless, namely, all of the bothersome things you normally look for and expect in a real relationship are no longer a concern being with a married man. You don’t have to worry about the entire world riding on your shoulders when he can only afford to give you a sliver of what makes a real relationship a total pain in the ass. Like commitment, being there and planning a future. What married guy in his right mind wants to do that?
Being with a married man is total freedom because to you, he’s under absolutely no obligation.
You may also like:
- The Female Marriage Proposal
- I’m Married Because I’m a Bitch
- Being the Other Woman and Being the Footstool
- What Do You Do When He Pisses You Off?
- The BS Confident Women Never Tolerate From Men
Not to mention the negative social stigma that sticks to the “other woman” like glue. Not only is he benefitting from all your goodies – taking no responsibility – and getting no flack cause we’ll he’s a guy and boys will be boys – you get nothing in return and most if not all women regard you as a an untrustworthy slut of no moral character who deserves a good ass kicking.
Absolutely Heather. Being a man’s mistress isn’t cool. It’s actually pretty pathetic.
Besides, a woman that knows what she’s doing can easily find her own man.
FW
What negative stigma…? there is non because seldom is all the truth told it is all supposed to be hush hush.
You shouldn’t judge anyone as women sometimes can be married and be having a affair with a married man too. Is called ashley madison . The best sex is with a married man and is insane but I had many affairs and STD free from married men and never had drama from any . I would say, I am a women player . I say don’t hate the game, hate the play or get played. You should like you got played really bad . or just have nothing better to do then bash mistresses.
They are the men who do have emotional affairs with this women and then it hurts more the wife so, is a two way street and not all the womens fault . Men say and do stuff to get what they want and they do.
If he has money and time from work or day off. His not him, think..GPS or his other women.
be careful,
players are in your town.
You’re a player? Sure sounds like it. You’re handling things so darned well that you have to run out and cheat. I’m sorry you feel the way you do but maybe you should try working things out with your husband. Because after all that’s said and done and the smoke clears, he’ll be the only one left who actually gives a damn. Those married guys really couldn’t care less.
FW
Amen!
Thank you April !!For those of you who like to judge woman that have dated or are dating married men try it! you might like it! You damn judgmental idiots!If a man is willing to step outside of his marriage WHO IS TO BLAME ???? HIM??? HIS WIFE ?? OH blame the mistress right ?! Its all her fault . LISTEN PEOPLE !! Take care of your man!!!treat him like he should be treated and you don’t ever have to worry about him screwing around on you .If he is not happy at home he will find someone that makes him happy. yOU can’t help who you fall in love with .If you do not take care of what you have you just might lose it FOREVER.
Some pretty sound advice, telling people to go fuck around with married men. Very sad to be gleefully advocating such destructive behavior.
Who is to blame? You all are. Husbands, wives and mistresses who behave like a bunch of irresponsible turds giving marriage a bad rap. If you want to fuck around, don’t get married. Think you can handle that?
Of course you can’t. Because when the ship starts sinking, you’ve got to take everyone down with you. That’s what cheaters do, instead of manning up and taking a hike, you can’t and won’t because you’re too insecure and co-dependent to be alone. You’ll take whatever leftovers you can get.
You’re spewing crap from a very lonely place. Only the psychologically disturbed get a boner ruining people’s lives.
FW
I felt my life was ruined so I told the wife…and this would stop if everyone didn’t keep it such a big secret.
I told the bitch wife about her cheating husband, She said you will not ruin (my) marriage shouldn’t she have said (our marriage). To get the jerk to confess I had to tell her. She didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. Believes her low life husband, I don’t want him and if women were smarter they would kick all cheating husbands out, period.
To all these judgemental losers go have a seat. NO one is without sin so unless you can walk on water and create a world in 7 days then shut the fuk up.How dare you just blame the woman, It’s 50/50 and technically I blame the husband more because he is the one who took vows not the woman, HIM! She owes his wife NOTHING unless she knows her personally and that’s another topic. It’s funny that the women that do post on here judging are probably insecure in their own marriage and KNOWS their husband WILL cheat on them if giving the opportunity of they have not done so already. I’m sure you look a hot ass mess too.
To any woman who is thinking about being a Mistress or is Mistress I wouldn’t feel bad about it at all! This article is a backhanded one which I do not like because there are GREAT perks and benefits to being a Mistress you just need to choose the RIGHT husband. Go into with no strings attached obviously. the main benefits of all is the financial gain. Ladies do NOT be foolish and naive. He can tell you he loves you a million times and sure he can mean it but at the very end of the day he is married which means he’s a cheater & a liar. But you don’t care about that, that’s his wife issue NOT yours. What you need to do is make sure the married man you bag is well off and financially establish. He needs to PAY to play. Do not sell yourself short all married men know the deal and they will not enforce it if you don’t. However if you set your demands he’ll be paying your rent/mortgage, vacations, jewelry, 5 star dining, expensive bags and shoes, you name it! It’s funny how all these hating ass women on here talk about how “he will never leave his wife, he’s just using you for sex. he doesn’t really love you” that’s BULLSHIT!!
First off who cares if he leaves his wife or not! Nobody wants that and I would never ask him to do that unless he ecides on his own. Furthermore, they spend more time and money on the Mistress than their own wife! I got a $3000 just because and she got a bracelet for Christmas. LMAO so who is winning here?? I’ll go out my way to make sure she never finds out as I would never intentionally want to hurt anyway, however if she was to find out then that’s an issue she needs to take up with her husband NOT me!! Bottom line ladies make sure you are well taken care of that way when and if he leaves you have something to show for it besides a wet ass.
There are others would at least be consistently respectful his wife to a degree, you don’t have to gloat about who’s winning. He’s nothing but a walle. I blame him a lot, but if you turned him down he might not have ever found another woman. His wife becomes some faceless loser, her husband doesn’t respect her enough, the mistress doesn’t care, and the children are limited help…I was a child of a failing marriage.
I dreamed of killing my dad’s mistress. That’s no figure of speech. Unless you got kids or something, I would cut your brakes. I would murder you in your sleep. Just saying. No one hurts my mother and I don’t care who is more to blame. Take care now, girly
Psycho!
no way who has respect for a wife that knows her husband is cheating and has no pride to end it.
right the cheating husband is to blame period agreed.
Slopy seconds has never been my style and YES I take care of my man. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that he would ever cheat – BECAUSE ITS EXPENSIVE and HE LOVES ME! Go find some easy target that does have the balls to manup and stay true to his word – he aint worth a shit! I wouldn’t fuck anyone that’s not worth a shit because when you play with shit you get it on you.
yeah you can’t ever guarantee your husband will never cheat 80% do and those are the statistics like it or not.
there is never a guarantee but I DO have a remedy… and IF that happen (which I highly doubt) I will fully initiate that plan of action. Expensive very expensive plan of action
Sweet Jesus. I see some women who are fucking random married men calling themselves players. If you are doing exactly that you got no game and in no way are you a player. You are loser fishing for random dick. In poor places you would be called a hoodrat, in rich places you would be called a desperate golddigger.
Never fool with a married man.its digusting and shows that you have low self esteem. Why share a man? Plus he will only think of you as a slut . Oh and don’t think about catching feeling with him because he is gong to stay with his wife. But if you do steal him away from his wife and get married to him, he will cheat on you sooner or later…. With someone hotter and younger. So stay away from someone else’s husband.
I feel this was brilliantly written. I think some will actually like these “advantages” because they aren’t the marriage-type, but then you added the other points that should make her see how crappy it really is…Why settle for being the other? Imagine having to keep him a secret. Perhaps he is just a plaything to these women as much as she is to him, but if there is every a feeling of love…It will always have to be moved to the side. In some cases, he may actually leave his wife for the other…But to expect it, is naive. If she is hoping for a man that will lay his life on the line for her, she should be wary…He’d better think of his wife and family first. But if they want a man like that, they can find one…A nice, single one
Married men that cheat are not relationship material even to their own wife….when push comes to shove they stay with the wife who is also possibly cheating it is like a game to some of them. They claim to love each other yeah right, wrong.They don’t want to lose their security, property and toys it has nothing to do with love. I think they are incapable of love of another human it is all about money.
It has its good points. The physical side is important for me as I am in a marriage where I am not touched. I had booth breasts removed teb years agoa nd my husband has refused to have sex with me as a result. we agreed never to divorce before we married unless physical abuse or safety was involved. my lover does provide the physical component that is lacking in my marriage. It started out as an emotional affair but grew into a full blown out affair over the course of three years. I miss having a lover that can spend more time with me but I am getting my ego stroked in other ways.
The author of this article was clearly cheated on at some point in her life. You sound like such a miserable, bitter, and sarcastic bitch.
I am all of those things indeed, Rose. Thanks for bringing me back down to earth.
FW
yeah I can tell I was married twice and both men cheated on me. If you have any pride at all as the cheated on spouse get a divorce.
Wow ladies!! Judgemental to the core !! You stand in judgement of other women when its your men you need to be focused on. If the men where happy at home they wouldn’t even bother to look around. Keep your home lives satisfied and stop the nagging for goodness sake. There is always someone younger, prettier, more active, sociable, makes more money, and more educated than you that will take your man in a blink. Passing the buck on the “other woman” is crap when the focus should be in the mirror at yourselves saying, “how can I make things better at home”. Kids, money, life it happens. Stop the blame game. Yes I am married now for 10 years, Harvard Educated with a Masters in Law, and make my family #1. Turn the focus on where it needs to be..your man. If another woman can take your man, what does that say about you?
“If another woman can take your man, what does that say about you?”
On the contrary there Harvard, what does that say about
him?
I’d say by all means, they can have each other and best of luck. If she can have him so easily then he obviously isn’t worth having around.
FW
I guess I am the bad person for telling the wife about her cheating husband’s ways…she jumped down my throat instead of his.Pretended she already knew, maybe she did, but didn’t want to believe what I had to say at all I was already judged.Why would you believe a cheating husband?Really unbelievable. Yes if you want a relationship stay away from married guys and maybe there are exceptions to the rule, but I have never seen them.He gave me all these promises and had nothing at home to workout…He was stuck…now that is bull. If a man loves you he will give up everything for you which means a divorce and getting rid of your toys. She cheated on him what he told me when he was deployed…guess he wanted some so I was the victim.Lesson well learned Mr.and Mrs. Sollace. You deserve each other.I don’t want your husband and you know why?I will tell you why because he is a liar and you can’t trust a liar.Good luck.
It means the marriage has problems and the wife is part of it. Bingo!
I applaud you tothehillandback they blame it on the other woman when it is the man they should focus on. I agree with you 100%. I was not married to his drunk wife, he was, he took the vows and he broke them she should confront her cheating spouse not the mistress. These are the type of people that believe they don’t have to work on their marriage. They live separate lives in their own marriage. He does his thing and she drinks vodka every night…some marriage. They both are losers in my opinion and the marriage is a sham!
I think the author of this article did a great job.
To all the other women complaining, go get a life.
Because you’re so busy trying to be a part of someone elses and obviously that isn’t gonna work out.
And rose, no shit she’s being sarcastic wow congratulations on picking that up.
Just because she knows what she is saying does not mean she has gotten cheated on.
She’s just not ignorant and actually knows her men well.
This article benefits many women and they have to read this.
Any woman that messes with a married man obviously doesn’t have any respect for herself.
And I’m honestly surprised that an 18 year old sees it better than a mature adult woman.
And any woman being cheated on has no respect for herself if she stays married to the cheater.
Well what about the cheating husband he has no business messing around either. A man that cheats has self esteem problems and the spouse that was cheated on has issues too.It isn’t all about the mistress especially when the married man starts it. People like this think they don’t have to work on a marriage.They need to get a life. My two cents Jay Arias once a cheater always a cheater.
I liked the sarcasm in the article. It’s the kick in the ass reality check I need. I’m in my late 40′s and did not seek out a relationship with a married man, but last year I found myself dating a man who is technically married. Well, he is married and he and his wife have lived in different states for 10 years and spend 3 months together. For all intents and purposes they lead two separate lives, but he is still married. At first he seemed interested but quickly it turned in to what felt like being a booty call, maybe parallel to being a call girl without the cash in hand. It is not a good feeling. I only blamed myself and extracted myself because I have no desire to be vindictive and lash out at the wife or him, I just wandered into unfamiliar territory and didn’t really realize how lonely it could be. He is there but not there at the same time. It is a dead-end street and in the end you probably won’t feel very good about it, so avoid it if at all possible. Married is married.
what do you have to lose tell the wife. If you don’t want him anymore tell,she deserves to know..I really struck a nerve with a cheating husband’s wife.She threatened me with a restraining order for telling the truth. The husband did not say a word let her do all the speaking for him. Well if she wants wants to get one on me I will get one on her.She didn’t sound confident and very confused,but then again she drinks vodka everynight.Who would want to be married to a drunk? Only an insecure stupid cheating wimp of a man. If I were you I would tell. Please stop being the victim. you have the upper hand. I guess I have more guts than most. It isn’t about love it is about not losing money and property I would tell.
Guts? I don’t think it takes “guts” to tell a wife. You sound vindictive and angry. I am just angry at myself for letting myself get involved. Telling the wife serves no purpose as far as I can see.
Yes it does and you are part of the problem by not telling the wife…he is free to keep going on and one cheating with one after another…so you stay quiet. When I was married I was the last to know I wish someone had the guts to tell me. People like you allow it to continue, enough said. Do what you want…no one messes with me and especially a wife and husband that both cheat on each other.
It is people like you that allow a cheating husband to go from one victim to another.Don’t tell let him get away with it, all I can say is I wish someone had told me about my cheating husband when I was married I was the last to know. No one gets away with hurting me and that is all I will say. I sure am vindictive and I tell the truth.
I am done here just wanted to tell my story. I have a wedding to plan….I am getting married to a man that was cheated on also. We have both been divorced about 20 years… I looked out of the box and we found each other. Living well and happy is the best revenge.