I think I die a little bit inside and throw up in mouth every time I hear some asinine foolish woman who’s dying to be in a relationship advocate for being some dude’s FWB.
I tried it once and I learned a lot. Not many women know, even remotely, what’s involved in being someone’s footstool, FWB, booty call, leftover slice of moldy pie, etc.- nor do they really know what they’re signing up for. They just blindly go along setting aside time for second rate Sunday nights and some stop-and-go ass because they “need sex so bad” at the same time they don’t have the balls to hold out for something better.
They want to front like they know exactly what they’re doing yet, if they actually did, they wouldn’t have to leave any kind of relationship up in the air, even less so leave it up to someone to decide that it isn’t worth a shit. If they knew what they were doing, they could easily have the relationship they want without ever having to bargain the worth of their vaginas against their potentiality as relationship material.
When you don’t have much to offer, it’s pretty safe to say you’re going to get little in return.
I don’t deal in FWB horseshit because I know that to establish a standard of dialogue and understanding in getting what I want from a relationship with a man of my choosing is necessary to get exactly what I want.
I never let any man decide that I’m not relationship material. And I certainly never let him decide that while granting him the permission to exploit some of the very best things I have to offer.
But if you’re out to freak the entire world because you’re a horny self-control lacking amoeba, void of the mind to give a shit about yourself or other people, then I guess this article won’t mean much at all to you.
I’m sure I could also leave out the reasoning that what you’re really doing is getting played like a fiddle because getting used and using people for sex isn’t about handling shit- except some nasty diseases, giving birth to children nobody wants and not having a fucking clue.
I Don’t Have to Rely on Sex
And I don’t have to let anyone rely on me for sex either. One of the best things about being a woman with impeccable standards is that I don’t have to rely on sex in any capacity except for my own self-satisfaction. The value I place on my satisfaction is never arbitrary- meaning, I’m never going to negotiate my satisfaction for less than what it takes to keep my satisfied.
And being some dude’s side of ass never has been and never will be satisfactory.
All men see is sex- if that’s all you’re willing to offer. And let’s face it, being an FWB doesn’t accommodate for the preamble of anything other than the “benefit” of unattached sex.
So I often wonder, who exactly “benefits” in this situation? Is it you or the guy? Or are you both mutually benefiting by sleeping together without setting forth any real dialogue except some unspoken fly-by-night arrangement “show up when you want to, get your rocks off, cut out and call me whenever.”
Now that’s winning- that is the stuff legends are made of.
I think not.
I’m certain the men I’m interested in think about having sex with me, but they’re also interested in the millions of other things I possess. That why it’s worth their time and investment in getting to know me before hitting the sheets. Because I’m worth a lot more than just sex. When they know you’re worth it, they make the effort.
FWB isn’t worth it- otherwise you’d be more whether you really want the guy or not.
If You Had Standards You Wouldn’t Need to Let Someone Use You For Sex
I’ve found the only reason people really want to use you for sex is because they see you as expendable, easy and available. Seriously, what else is there?
All I ever hear about FWB relationships is the complete lack of dialogue- the lack of thought put into it, the lack of motivation behind wanting and getting to know the person, and the lack of long-term fulfillment in which either one or both people can emerge from the unrelationship completely happy declaring “I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Instead it’s always:
“I wanted more but he/she didn’t.”
“She/he wanted more but I didn’t.”
“He/she found someone else and got settled.”
“It wasn’t enough for me anymore so I ended it.”
The only standard being set here is the standard of buyer’s remorse- I bought into it and now I want to give it back because it sucks and I was on the fence about it from the get go. That’s what people tend to do with used car dealership lemons- they want to throw that shit back because it was a poor investment as the result of very poor judgment.
As a matter of personal taste, I’d rather let someone remain in my life or walk away from it with the preponderance that I was completely worth it. I know how to make it worthwhile by being worthwhile long before I give it up.
There’s Nothing Glamorous About Being Someone’s “Less Than”
I’m very much used to being at the forefront of all aspects in my relationships- that’s where I make sure my needs are always being met and I’m free to have whatever I want. That’s what men love about me- I know I’m worth a whole lot more than having to resort to being somebody’s less than.
They’re not going to know that unless you know it yourself.
“I don’t really like you enough for a relationship but I’ll pretend to for a couple hours a night, midweek, every other month. And by the way, thanks for not giving me any shit about it even though we both know I’m fucking you over.”
Second hand rag much?
Last time I checked, being someone’s less than basically meant that you’re not good enough- in any capacity. At least not one that provides any real meaning or justifiability. “I’m not good enough for a relationship because I’m already letting you have a huge part of me without you having to do anything but come along and use it”.
Why buy the milk when you can have the cow for free? Yes in this instance, you’re offering up the whole cow- sex becomes you as the entire person (that’s the way they see it) and the rest of that shit you do outside the bedroom is the milk- they don’t know about it, could easily do without it and couldn’t care less.
You already gave it all you got- and they still think it isn’t enough. Shamefully lame trade off if you ask me.
Dealing out your ass like a free game of poker where all bets are off is pretty standard these days- in people who have no game at all.
Getting played, looking stupid, and being two tiers down isn’t game- that’s why you’ve settled for being the FWB. But hey, keep handing out that ass- that’s all you’re good for. At least that’s the way they see it.
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So true. I once had a “friend” who would just whore herself out to any guy going, and she was all kinds of fucked up. She had no hobbies or interests other than MEN so all she was good for was sex, and these guys knew it so they treated her like shit. Every week was the same – “why hasn’t he called?” and I got sick of telling her to keep it in her pants. What I’ve also learned about these types of women is they’re never truly your friend – You’re merely their party buddy to go on the pull with til they finally meet a guy who actually wants to go out with them, then they drop you like a hot potato. Also, they’re not a genuine friend, they actually see you as “competition” and will screw you over the first chance they get – for example, fuck your boyfriend, cos they’re so desperate for male attention – ANY attention. I’ve learned my lesson and will only befriend people who have an imaginary chastity belt like me!! It’s called standards woman!!
Carolyn, I had a friend just like that myself. Key word here being “had”. She was a clueless loser and everybody around us knew it and like you, I was sick of hearing the same BS every week.
Try telling them anything though and that’s when they get butt hurt and don’t want to be your friend anymore. The truth’s an ugly bitch- especially when you don’t want to face the fact that you’re the source of all your own problems. Consequently, 4 years later she is still doing the same shit. There’s really no hope for dumbasses like that.
FW
The irony is she turned round and said that I wasn’t a real friend because I became close friends with her sister (who is totally different and awesome) while she was off spending 100% of her time with her new bf and not returning any of her friends calls, texts or emails! Nothing was ever HER fault of course. Shame, her bf is a really nice guy and within 3 months she was already in contact with all her former fuck buddies who treated her like shit. I will never befriend a whore ever again.
That’s really sad. Sounds just like my ex-friend.
They seem to have a hard time treating anybody right- especially themselves.
FW
Kicked a spy/whore to the curb as well. She was a part of his harem I am sure. Pretending to be “friends” while reporting back as if my life was ANY of his business. NOthing in her life has gotten better – she still associates with him – goes to show you play with shit you get it on you. I feel sorry for her long term live in boyfriend but… its just too bad he doesn’t seem to believe he deserves better or he’d see through her shit and kick her to the curb. The ex took her to his Condo in Hawaii with her bfs permission. What kind of man does that. hello you know he is a lying sack of shit. FWB – not surprised and screw over your “best guy friend” as well. Pukes!
Sheesh some people. WTF?? Sounds like a script for Days of Our Lives.
Yup, my father used to say, “Associate with shit and you’ll get shit on.” Didn’t take me too long before that one sunk in.
FW
Maybe it’s my old age(just turned 30…haha), but I don’t see the appeal of a booty call anymore. I’m not sure I really did when I was younger, but if I wasn’t married, this still wouldn’t be a part of my SOP. I think women who are willing to give it up not only for free, but without any expectation of a return on her investment, are missing something else in life. A little self-reflection probably wouldn’t hurt: http://meantforsomethingbetter.com/2012/03/07/what-blank-taught-me/
Susanna,
I’m 25 and single, and the idea of “fuck buddies” or “booty calls” has never appealed to me either. No matter how randy I get, I’m just not gonna hand it over to any old guy. I did that once a couple years back while I was drunk and had just come out of a 4 1/2 year relationship, but just felt weird afterwards, like it was pointless and I could have caught anything off that weirdo. It just wasn’t worth it. Definitely best to hold off til you meet someone worthwhile
X
I think it’s possible to enjoy sex just for the sake of sex, and that’s okay. But there are a lot of women who are fooling themselves, saying they’re just in it for sex but then find themselves getting attached and hoping for something more. I can speak from experience on this one. But it’s not something you can tell her. She’s gotta find out for herself, the hard way. Life’s a real bitch that way. Le sigh.
Yeah you’re definitely right about that, SG. I know I had to learn my lesson the hard way. Too many times.
FW
so true. you should draw he line between “sex” and relationship. girls should understand their value and do not expect anything from a guy who’s only into sex.
There are FWB relationships that work, however carry huge risks and are usually non-permanent. Unfortunately these relationships are unhealthy. For example, a married man & woman meeting up for sexual encounters because they are lacking sexual or emotional fulfillment from each’s matrimony (Should have communicated with their spouse; sought relationship counsel). Another example is a woman and a man enjoying sexual encounters, sometimes accompanied with companionship activities without any concrete relationship obligations, due past commitments that have failed (Should have sought relationship counsel). If the rules of engagement are established at the beginning of the commitment, it can work until its expiration. This does not guarantee that someone is not going to become emotionally attached, or psychologically damaged (Ex: wife/husband of cheating spouses; Singletons becoming complacent, thus settling for FWB relationships). The risks are someone can become emotionally attached, expect more from what was agreed upon, become spiteful (Ex: adulterer contacts spouse to reveal damage/Singleton drops his/herself from the FWB duo like a hot potato. The other has no idea what happened), develop distrust, and an unhealthy perspective of what a genuine relationship constitutes. I speak with experience because I was in a FWB relationship with man because both of us was afraid of commitment. However, his fear derived from the secrecy of the after fact he was married. I feared giving up my freedom to do whatever I pleased. When I found out he was married, I disappeared without him knowing. How did I found out? His wife called my house from his phone. I was hurt, embarrassed, and angry for the deception and his wife’s pain, I vowed NEVER to trust a man ever again.