Sex is a given these days. Tell most any man on the dating scene you want to wait to have sex and he’ll likely keel over in anaphylactic shock because he’s developed an acute allergy to the word “no” since he’s completely accustomed to hearing the word “yes”. I personally prefer it to be the other way around.
I don’t use my vagina as a crafty tool like some women do- to get men to do them favors, to make them suffer, nor do I think it possesses some mystical powers that can subdue any man at my every whim.
I simply don’t have sex with, much less imagine, what it would be like to have sex with just any man. Not any man will do because not every man does it for me- “it” being everything I need possible from him, and then some. Because it isn’t about men, it’s about me. And unfortunately, many men and many women don’t see it that way at all.
1. You Don’t Know Shit About Me
We’ve been talking for about 3 days, mostly about you, and all of the sudden you want to go out to your car in some dark alley and break it out.
Or we’ve known each other for some time, but the only thing you really know about me is that you think I’m into you even though you’ve never even bothered to ask- while you’re not intuitive enough to give me any credit for what I do know- that your motives are just to sleep with me, nothing more, nothing less.
You don’t know shit about me because if you did, you’d actually know that what you’re doing, and not doing, just isn’t working for me and never will. Lucky for me, it sucks to be you.
2. I’m Not Passing Out Free Lunches
I’m not like any other woman you’ve met. I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of women say that but in my case, it’s actually true. Or just the opposite may be the root of the problem altogether- maybe you just haven’t heard women say that to you enough, much less live up to it.
Contrary to the mindset that women have adapted to these days, I don’t have to fuck men to be accepted. I don’t have to act “sexy” where “sexy” really means skank trick-trashy and I don’t feel the need to hand out my vagina like a complimentary grocery store snack service item. Why? Because sex is worth a lot more to me than it is to you and most of the women you get it from. Just because they don’t place any value on sex doesn’t mean that I don’t.
3. I Don’t Like You
You’re probably an asshole, we have nothing in common, and you’re not anything I’d be proud to bring home to my father. But in all actuality, it’s probably more of the first dilemma- I don’t like you because there really isn’t a whole hell of a lot to like.
The mathematical assholedisiac formula that is always guaranteed to work for you with other women because you’re cute, drive a fast car, have some cash in your pocket and play the electric geetar like Eddie Van Halen means dog shit to me. I’m not into all the superficial game you’re running and that’s a good thing because now you can get back to fronting that shit on all the parasitic life forms out there who find that kind of nauseating horse just dandy and marvelous.
If you don’t know how to treat a woman, you’re right on target on your way out the door. Go find someone else to fuck- and fuck over for that matter.
4. You Can’t Hang
You haven’t got what it takes. There’s no chemistry, no intimacy, and no sense of trust that I can rely on you to give me everything I need in bed, or out.
For me, it all adds up and if you’re short changing me in any way, I’m feeling it- I’m not denying it, hoping for something better out of you, nor pretending the problem doesn’t exist. I fully acknowledge that you haven’t got what it takes to appreciate a woman like me, and I fully acknowledge that I’m better off knowing the type of man that can hang has no problem recognizing what it takes to do what you can’t- and is especially confident in knowing that he can and should.
5. I’m Much Too Much For You
I’m too much for you, in every way imaginable. I have entirely too much going on upstairs, in the middle, on the surface and yes, down below. I may, in fact, be too much, but that’s just because you’re not enough.
Sex to me is not just about the act- it’s more so about being attracted to a man who can keep up with me intellectually and emotionally as well as physically. I’ve found more often than not, that’s actually too much for most men. The key is, I know it and I don’t have to downsize or write myself off by being your FWB, FWF, or dirty old dish rag when I am certain I will find a real man who can more than keep up with me and is happy to give me everything I require.
6. I Know I’ll Live to Regret It
Something about you just screams, “Don’t do it, you’ll regret it!” Call it red flags, warning signals, gold plated dog pies or what have you. I just know that I’m not going to like you or myself all that much in the morning- and it isn’t worth a lousy 5 minutes of passion.
I’m the type of woman who lives to avoid this kind of shit because it preserves my dignity, my soul and a substantial bit of my ego- that I’ll always be that woman you could never have. That secret mysteriousness will be stewing in your mind for the rest of your life- I’ll always be the woman you’ll never forget. Beats being the woman who lives with regret.
7. I’m Holding Out For Something Better
Call me a weirdo, call me nun celibate, call me a bitch, call me a lesbian, call me what you wish. The fact of the matter is, you just aren’t good enough. See, I like a man who is just as selective and picky as I am about who I sleep with and you just don’t qualify. One of the reasons I know this is because I’ve seen all the rest of those girls you get down with- and I’m not privy to running with that beat up set. I’m in no hurry to get to the front of the line and compete for being used up goods- I’ve got much more to offer than that.
I do what I do when it comes to sex and that never involves doing it to please anybody but myself. It’s all about my pleasure, my security, my needs and the sanctity of reserving something special to share with someone who is out-of-this-world special to me.
Maybe if more people did that, they wouldn’t wind up getting used and abused- and they’d actually find someone worth spending their time with. But hey, who the hell am I? Just a woman who’s been happily married for 11 years. What do I know?
You may also like:
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- A Female Player’s Strategy: The Preemptive Strike
I love this column. You Rock Feisty Woman! Definitely gives the reader something to think about!
Thanks for checking it out MB!
FW
Lol!
I really agree with number 7. Haha. Men think that you’re this that and the other because you only like selective men. Guess what? Selective men, only like selective women. A good man is more than willing to wait, get to know, and develop feelings for a good woman before having sex. I too think people keep devaluing sex, which is fine by me, but its not something I’m going to do. I don’t base the decisions that I make, and the standards that I hold myself to, on what other people are doing. I don’t have casual sex because I can’t do it. It doesn’t work for me. Its not who I am. Period. A promiscuous man can cross himself right off the list. I’d never want to have children by you thanks!
“Selective men only like selective women.”
Very true, Charm. There are definitely a lot of nice, selective men with standards out there. Raise your standards and these guys will bend over backwards to meet them.
FW
Yes!!!
Thank you thank you thank you!
I couldn’t have found you at a better time!
You have made me trust and believe in my convictions,which by the way you have brilliantly addressed!
So thank you!
You’re very welcome, Izzy. Glad to hear it!
#muchlove
FW
your the best!
This is awesome. And I agree with Charm above, too, about the selective men. While there’s a time and place for a one-night stand, holding out for something special means so much more if it happens to turn into something beautiful.
Well said!
Very brave woman! I really admire those woman who have the will and guts to stand by this seven reasons.:) Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you all for your words of encouragement!
#hugs
FW
I discovered your blog the other day and I must say, I am amazed to find a woman who thinks like me. Keep preaching it FW. I am in total agreement. I totally love what you post.
Girl you are on the ball! Lol, absolutely love this piece. You took the words right out of my mouth, and put it all together very eloquently…humorous too. Very funny, and true. Had me crackin up…Reassured me as well. Welll done Miss Lady!
Again you nail it. I feel it even more now that I am focusing on me. I am really getting into Zumba and loving it. I can tell you in absolute confidence there anit no way in hell the ex could keep up with me on ANY level. Glad to see you back up on that high horse of yours! Giddie up lady!
So happy I came upon your blog, you are awesome! Thank you for telling it exactly how it is! Reading most of what is written made it so much easier to say goodbye to the man (today) who said I like you, but not looking for a serious relationship, maybe eventually, one day. Major red flag.
Sex should be between two happily, actively, equally consenting adults. If he is not good enough or it feels wrong or you rather wait then that is something that should be respected and that is that.
Some are ok with NSA sex and some are not and it is up to each and everyone. What does piss me off is when guys (or girls) try to make out they want one thing just to get the other party do do XYZ. I mean, if all you want is a shag then have the guts to say it… none of this “Oh I love you and I will want to move in with you later on but not right now…” Misleading someone is not on. In my humble opinion.
Glad you are enjoying this one! It’s even better feeling this way about it.
I only sleep with men I really like. I avoid a ton of bullshit that way.
FW
Really interesting article and it gave me some perspective on things. I get the feeling that you harbor alot of resentment towards men and you think highly of yourself. Am I close?
No Lazarus- I just can’t stand douchers who think women ought to put out for no good reason. And I can’t stand trashed up hags who put out, have no game and ruin it for the rest of us women who actually know how the games works.
If you read my archives, you’ll know precisely what I mean.
FW
And yes, I do think highly of myself. Because if I don’t, who will?
FW
You sound like an INTJ woman…I’m now very intrigued to know what your personality type is.
I relate A LOT to your amazing views in this post and I am an INTJ woman.
You sound like a bitch. Good luck getting a date with your shitty spiels.
Haha the above comment just proves point number 1 – he/she doesn’t know jack shit about you. It’s common for a woman to be called a “bitch” or a “snob” for not putting out to assholes. What’s she supposed to do, sit back, smile, spread her legs and let the douche have his way with his skanky, venereal diseased knob? And then she’s expected to be GRATEFUL for that treatment?
And contrary to popular belief, you do not have to put out get a date, unless you want to date douche lords that is.
Love it: Love it: Love it: Theyre all arseholes in some shape or form