“I’ve found the more you show off your body, the less inclined people are to respect and appreciate it.” – FW
If you’re a woman and you want to be noticed, you have to do certain things to make yourself stand out.
For instance, you have to pump up your breasts like Mack truck tires while attaching decorative appendages to them that cut off your circulation and tear up your shoulders, and do absolutely nothing to remedy the accompanying broken neck and back from having to tote them around like bags of cement.
And to add insult to injury, if you’re not doing it in lingerie and 6 inch stilettos with a cup on your booty balanced perfectly in mid air while sporting duckface and a bedhead lion’s mane along with it, then you just plain ain’t sexy- they tell us.
From personal experience I’ve found just the opposite to be true. I’ve made my way deep inside the minds and hearts of men doing just the opposite of what “they” tell us. “They” being advertisers, narrow-minded sheepish imitators and loser infantile ex-boyfriends who have no sense or inclination for real taste or sophistication.
I do these things and get the job done perfectly. So can you.
I. Don’t Mention Sex At All
My favorite strategy (which also doubles as a defense in weeding out men who just want to use me for sex) is to not talk about it. That’s right, keep your mouth zipped while he’s keeping his zipper zipped and you can learn a great deal about a man and what he wants from you.
It creates a type of safe platonic “feel out” trial period in which a mutual agreement can be established and/or severed if the terms of the agreement become null and void.
For instance, if he abruptly stops calling and texting after the first couple of dates or starts talking about smackin’ that ass up all night long before he’s even had a chance to get to know you, then you’ll have a pretty good idea what kind of man you’re dealing with.
The sexy part is, it will make the right man (not the loser man who is going to drop you regardless) all that more curious about you. What he doesn’t know, he’ll be dying to dig up and in the meantime, if he can control himself, be a gentleman, spend a couple of bucks and be patient and understanding in waiting for you to give him the signal to make a move, then you can relax and really get to know him. And YOU get to decide how he should handle you, and whether or not he can.
II. Get Rid of All That Cake
Guys don’t like makeup. Period. Men want a woman who is beautiful without it but let’s face it, a very small percentage of women are able to leave the house looking completely flawless without a few spackles of paint here and there. But you can definitely wear a lot less and even a little more when the appropriate occasion calls for it.
I knew a woman who wore more makeup 25 hrs a day, 8 days a week than 35 dead people lined up at the morgue. She’s bleached from head to toe, tanned nightmare carrot orange and rouged up so pink she looks like she got kicked with steel toe shoes on both sides of her face. When men see that much makeup, they are frightened because they have absolutely no idea what you’re going to look like without it. And believe me they’re wondering, “Dang, what’s this girl hiding?”
I know a lot of really naturally beautiful women who wear too much damned makeup. They don’t need it and their boyfriends are always telling them they don’t need it. And if you wear too much, chances are people have already told you, and your makeup is all over not only your face but everything- your fingers, your towels, your clothes and dude’s mind. Trust me, he’s thinking, “Am I getting fucked over here?”
A sexy woman is sexy with minimal makeup. And a good definition of minimal is gauged according to how much imperfection you need to perfect. In other words, he shouldn’t notice your makeup and if you apply it correctly, he won’t notice it at all (after all, men do not have a mind for this shit).
The cardinal rule still stands- minimal at day, slightly more at night. Halloween Vegas showgirl rhinestones and 1 inch glitter gold eyelashes shouldn’t be an everyday guide for the rest of the year.
III. Cover Up Some
“Wear clothes that fit your own body, not clothes that were made to fit the body of some other woman you wish you could be.” – FW
First rule of thumb is, master what it is you’ve got and work with it. Being fake and insecure is very easy to spot because showing off your nipple and clit rings and wearing things that make your mother ashamed isn’t sexy at all. It’s desperate and tasteless and is only necessary for women who haven’t got the balls to put faith in and rely on anything else.
Covering up is sexy because to him it’s like hiding the world’s most valuable gift- that the right man will be dying to unwrap slowly and savor. And covering all your shenanigans says a lot about you and what you know you’re capable of. And if you do it just right, you can cover up and still be sexy as a red Ferrari, and when the clothes finally do come off, you’ll be giving him a near fatal heart attack.
Besides, you shouldn’t kid yourself. The men who are interested in you already know exactly what you look like and if they weren’t pleased and delighted, they wouldn’t continue hanging around- whether you got your bits out all over the place or not. Dignity is sexy, attention whoring is not.
IV. Have Impeccable Manners
A please and thank you, please? Thank you.
Some sincere small talk with the grocer who gave you free peaches for being super nice and some banter with the waitress who poured your coffee and brought you your eggs this morning goes a very, very long way. When you smile, 10 times out of 10 you’ll get a smile in return and you encourage people (including that really hot guy) to relax around you and warm up to you.
Just last week I was astounded when I opened the door for a group of senior citizens and let them in line ahead of me when one of them remarked, “Wow, look! A polite young person!”
It is truly fucking pitiful that people can’t be decent, courteous and friendly to one another anymore. And it serves only to keep us distant and at odds with each other- which keeps us from mixing and mingling with men who will find us not only charming and approachable, but sexy as hell for putting ourselves above the fray against being a stuck-up attitude dysfunctional misfit bitch.
Be gracious and courteous, friendly, warm and caring. A woman with impeccable grace and manners is about the sexiest thing in the world. Definitely the stuff that makes a man compelled to shower you with admiration and respect. Remember, respectability is sexy, rudeness and raucousness is not.
V. Listen More Than You Speak
There’s an err of mystery about a woman who is inward and private, who doesn’t speak much but does more, who doesn’t have to be the center of attention because she gets it regardless in her ability to make the men around her insanely curious.
It’s the whole “less is more” mentality. The less you speak and the more you listen, the more men wonder about your motivation for “showing off” less. Just what is it about this girl that is low-profile and “off limits”? The less you put out there, the more they have to puzzle together and connect the dots.
One singular thing you can do to be sexy to any man is to listen to what he says. I mean, really listen. Listen patiently while he speaks, absorb and toss around in that brain of yours what he says, and formulate an articulate opinion on his response and he’ll be eating out of your hand like a tamed salivating Doberman in no time. You can learn more about this in much more detail in my upcoming book.
There are certain things you can wear, say and do that don’t have to be too revealing, but can very much reveal a lot about what kind of woman you are and what kind of woman you want the world to see. And sexiness is all about presentation, not representation. Presentation being putting your best foot forward and doing your absolute best with what you’ve got, representation being the narrow view taken on by a majority who wouldn’t know what sexy was if they paid a million dollars for it.
Sexy is a state of mind, not the state of going broke mentally, financially and spiritually buying into shit “they” say is sexy and isn’t.
You may also like:
- 10 Things You Should Be Doing Right Now to Find the Right Man
- 2012: You Have to Give to Receive
- Let Me Show You How To Be a Woman
- Comely Chicks and Homely Hunks
- The Anatomy of a Female Player