Women are always on the lookout for the “right” guy. And he’s got to appear at our whim out of nowhere and on our command at any given moment. Ah yes, any second now he’ll be here in wifebeaters, a cape and 6 pack abs that hopefully haven’t yet morphed into a jello set of 6 pack flabs.
Easier said than done? Not really. As soon as you decide to flip over all that horse crap you’ve been doing lately and get real about what is holding you back. Because my money, common sense and experience says that in all probability it’s you, not him. He’s there, you just have to be in the right frame of mind in order to have him.
1. Believe that you can.
“I’m never going to find a man.”
“I’m too fat, ugly and stupid to meet the right man.”
“All the good men are taken.”
Sound familiar? These are just some of the things women say to themselves and each other over and over again that hinder them in ways that will all-out prevent them from finding that perfect man.
Guess what? Keep telling yourself these things and they are bound to be true. A good man doesn’t want a woman who can’t be good for him or at the absolute minimum, good for herself. If you’re not good to yourself, how could you be good to anyone else?
Ditch that crap right now, you don’t deserve it and neither does he.
2. Know that the right men do in fact exist.
Most bitter, scorned, and bewildered women come to the resolve that there aren’t any decent men left in the world and their bitterness, scorn and bewilderment shows through like hot pink panty lines under summer white linen pants. I got news for you, if you’re any of these things, men will avoid you like they would a broken sewer main.
Step up your game and stop blaming men. Acknowledge the fact that good men do exist and they’ll start finding you.
3. Ditch the poo-poo attitude.
Entitlement. Rudeness. Vulgarity. Bitchiness. “I just broke up with the biggest asshole in the world” syndrome. You name it, if your attitude stinks chances are men are thinking everything else in your life stinks too.
Smile and let it all go. Find the silver lining and kill yourself doing it if you have to. Make a valiant effort to be the best woman you can be every moment of every day. You never know when someone (the right man) is going to notice.
4. Hold out.
I know, women need sex too. Probably just as much as men sometimes if not more. But it’s hard to have a clear heart and mind that is focused and well-prepared for the right man to show himself when you’re sleeping with men who are stirring the pot full of emotions that you wouldn’t have bubbling near the surface otherwise.
Hold your poon sacred to preserve your sanity and because you’re supposed to- that is if you think it’s actually worth anything. Nothing like the booty call guy that pulls out all the stops, gets you confused and eventually disappears forever. While we are left to feel like a wet steaming foolish pile, emotionally tattered unable to see the right man when he sees us.
5. Get rid of all that embarrassing low life baggage.
Yeah, that Facebook pic of you and your friends taking turns using the same toilet at El Doucho y La Douchette Nightclub South isn’t doing you any favors. And those posts on dude’s wall asking when he’s going to bring his humongous cock over again for a slip and slide session isn’t thrusting you in a flattering light.
Clean up your shit. Yesterday. The right man wants to take you home to his mother, not home to his frat brothers.
6. Set your sights all over the place.
We find our comfort zone and we stay put there even when it’s in a position that is destined to remain all for shit. We don’t like to change our routine because it can be “unbearably” uncomfortable and a lot harder for us to control.
Stop being uniform. Stop being comfortable with low expectations. Stop pretending that branching out is the biggest mistake you can make. If you want the right man to appear, you have to know where to make the right adjustments.
Maybe you should stop going to the bar. Maybe you should take that physics class you’ve been putting off. Maybe you should ditch your so-called “friends” who bring you down and make new ones in spite of what they say or think.
Break the patterns that aren’t working and do something unconventional. You never know who’s likely to make an unexpected appearance along the way.
7. Have the balls to expect a lot more than what you’ve been getting.
You have no right to complain when you signed the dotted line and got shorted and shafted in tying your wagon to a loser ass bum who treats you like shit everyday of the week except on Tuesdays.
There’s nothing wrong with setting your sights above what you’ve been accustomed to getting. More importantly, you always should. But do so in a modest way with a healthy dose of humility and a basis of realism. It’s not about narcissistic power plays- it’s about gaining sincere respect and fostering trust. It’s about being ballsy, not bitchy.
8. Have a friend tell you what the hell you’re doing wrong and listen for once!
Unfortunately, we often don’t have friends who are honest enough with us to tell us we need to pull our heads out of our asses and get real. But when they do, they can be a real lifesaver and be worth more than their weight in gold.
If you find yourself repeating the same pattern leading up to singlehood year after year, ask a friend to be upfront and brutally honest if need be as to what it is you’re doing that is keeping you inert and in a rut.
People see you differently than you see yourself. Get an honest outside-the-box opinion from someone you respect and trust, who can tell you what you should work on and change. Ask a friend and above all, listen- it can work wonders.
9. Be confident either way.
Get that confident list out of your pocket a few times a week and read it, especially when you know you need a boost. It should have things on it like:
“I am happy and lucky and privileged and feel 100% confident in my abilities and talents.”
“I don’t need approval from people to define who I am as a woman.”
“I deserve to be happy and free from heartache and undue conflict simply because I am a good woman, deserving of respect.”
Whether you have a man or not, knowing what makes you a valuable person worthy of love and respect should be tantamount and central to who you are. Make it a point to never stop believing in yourself and others won’t stop believing in you either.
10. Get out and do shit. Get off social media and get social again.
Establish real life, tangible, see, touch and “feel with your hands” relationships with men. With ever-evolving technology, we now spend a large disproportion of our lives on Facebook and Twitter and we’ve come to accept “Facebook relationship statuses”, pokes and IMs as substitutes for real tokens of affection, responsibility and loyalty.
Get out and establish meaningful flesh and blood relationships with men. The only way to know the truth about them, their intentions with you and where you’re ultimately headed is to revert back to the tried and true method of physical, meaningful, real direct contact. There will never be any substitute for that.
There you have it. Doing these 10 things may not solve all the problems you’re facing in finding the right man, but they sure as heck beat getting kicked in the ass over and over again upside down and sideways. But if you’re in the right frame of mind they can help, and certainly can’t hurt.
There is a lot more to cover on securing the right man coming up in my book and I’ll be making an announcement on that very soon. In the meantime, be good to yourself and good things are sure to be yours.
- You Have to Give to Receive
- Let Me Show You How to Be a Woman
- Women Who Sleep Around
- At a Fork in the Road
- What is a Feisty Woman?