A good friend of mine and I have been discussing lately why certain women sleep around, and most people are usually quick to pass judgment in the form of “slut bashing” and other variations of defeminization, if you will, as though being a promiscuous woman is unwarranted and not even worthy of debate. You’re simply just a slut or a whore, end of story.
I’m not perfect nor pristine and I’ve never once on this blog made that distinction. In fact, I spent my first years as a young woman making my share of mistakes and through much trial and error and because of the decisions I made, I learned many a hard, invaluable lesson.
Many of the choices we make when it comes to sex, especially as young people, often do not involve much of a drawn out painstaking thought process. We usually do what we’re told or we don’t do what we’re told out of rebelliousness, and we follow the crowd and try very hard to fit in with our peers because we want so much for people to accept us. To want us and appreciate us as it is a biological condition and intrinsic need.
I touched a little on this in “Why She’s Throwing Herself at You” a bit in jest, but to get to the crux of it in all seriousness and to give it weight, I can assure you most women who sleep around do so because there’s something missing- a void, an empty space surrounding nothing and nothing to fill it, with no faith or reasoning behind why- but most women who do sleep around will tell you, it just doesn’t feel right.
It never does.
Propaganda and the Dumbing Down of Society
There is an element of social conditioning coupled with a certain lackadaisical irresponsibility and complete disregard on the part of people who are supposed to make a difference in women’s lives. And adding insult to injury, there is an epidemic of disparity among women who want to be valued for their sexuality and looks over other things that are actually truly important- like being accomplished, talented, sophisticated and intelligent.
It’s uber cool to be a stripper, an escort, a mistress, and a skanky pseudo-lesbian pinup girl. It’s heroic to sleep with someone’s husband, to be a self-proclaimed MILF, and to “fuck like a pornstar”.
Every modern societal “role model” is allegedly seething hot, has a deliberately leaked sex tape, and is dumber than a bag of wet dog shit.
Women are no longer regarded for being capable and just or “wholesome”. Instead they are sensationalized for how they give head down to a science and whether or not they have an affinity and preference for taking it up the ass.
Heaven forbid a woman be proper and refined, be a mother figure and marriage material, and keep her sex life private, sacred and off limits to the people who aren’t privy to it.
I don’t watch television because I’m utterly fed up with turning it on and seeing all the “Desperate Housewives” and “Jersey Shores” dick slapping women across their faces. It’s outrageous and insulting being bombarded by the endless barrage of stereotypical plastic stiletto wearing airheaded dimwits, with nothing but a set of 1000 cc knockers, bad makeup, a waxed crotch, hair extensions and nary a coherent thought running through their empty skulls.
Every woman in the media nowadays is required to ooze sex appeal from every pore otherwise she can’t even be on TV. And that subliminally prescribes to us that it’s what we all must do- we aren’t even considered women if we don’t hyper-sexualize ourselves.
We should do it because we can, they tell us. Because we’re built that way and because we have the “power”.
Sure we can… but the question is, how or why does being sexual have to tie into or have anything to do with our everyday lives?
It doesn’t. And it never will in any way that’s deemed favorable- unless your life goal is to be objectified by every sleazy loser on earth and be made out to be a just another flaming fucking brain dead idiot.
Upbringing/Social Conditioning or Lack Thereof
I take full responsibility for all the decisions I’ve made in my life. However, as a very young person, my parents were anything but exemplary parents- they had their own defunct, ambiguous and dysfunctional marriage. And they utterly failed to teach me anything valuable about relationships by word or example and I had to learn everything on my own. Unfortunately in being young, dumb and naive, the world is often anything but kind.
My parents actually thought signing the dotted line on the trusty old sex education consent slip I brought home from school once a year was all the education I’d ever need. They NEVER talked to me about sex, except to make me feel ashamed, embarrassed and frightened of it. My mother used to humiliate me when boys would call or come over to the house and when my parents found out I was having sex at 15 years old, I was a “tramp” and a “whore”, when in reality, I was just like every other kid I knew my age.
My mother punishing me was a classic case of hypocrisy and the “pot calling the kettle black” when she herself had her first child when she was 17 and unwed, yet she forbade me to even think about boys or sex.
There is no exaggeration in saying I had absolutely no support whatsoever from my parents. None at all. They didn’t teach me how to distinguish from right and wrong or how to make sound choices concerning my relationships, and I had to go about it the wrong way for quite some time before I even understood what being wrong even meant.
I hated what I’d went through, I didn’t deserve it (no woman does) and I didn’t know what I was doing. I was nowhere near prepared to live life as an adult, much less a damaged one, yet I was out there at 15 doing things many a heartbroken single adult does in this cruel and uncaring world in search of a life partner.
A promiscuous woman’s choices can be traced back to the support (or lack thereof) on the part of the people in her life who are supposed to make a difference. And it is often realized in being abused, neglected, abandoned, mistreated, and derided. We see what’s going on around us and we emulate it- even and especially in spite of not knowing a better way.
Lack of Attention
“Pay attention to me. Acknowledge me. Know that I exist. Be my boyfriend. Need me. Love me. Complete me.”
I know women who say this without ever having to utter a single word.
There is an almost desperate need for women to be validated, especially in terms of how we look because that is ultimately what deems us worthy of a relationship. If we are flat chested, ugly, have big teeth, short hair, are overweight, or are somehow lacking anywhere in terms of sexual desirability (as it is the be all of end alls these days), we are diminished cruelly and socially in many aspects- by other people and especially ourselves.
We can’t find boyfriends and we are “forced to take what we can get”. No one will want us if we aren’t “genetically” superior. Our lives have to revolve around being desired by men and bending over backwards to please them.
It’s true, we all want to be loved and valued, and women are no exception. We all know how it feels to desire that one special person to make our lives meaningful. We all want someone to come home to every night, who respects us and shows us unyielding and unconditional love.
And when we don’t have that, we badly crave attention. And some of us will do just about anything to get it.
A woman sleeping around is acting out. She is the desperate hungry naked child screaming in the middle of an empty room. She is the woman everyone is bad mouthing, who is being shamed and scorned for trying to find the very same things as everyone else. She’s just going about it in all the wrong ways.
I’m simply no longer buying into the unperceived emptiness, the uncaring facade and the hardened exterior because women who sleep around do so not because it feels good, but because it hurts. They are hurting inside because somewhere along the line, something was broken- a soul, a barrier, a promise, a basis of trust, and an understanding that it’s okay to just be a woman- especially one that doesn’t have to be sexual to be somebody in this world.
Perhaps when real people will step up, who have our best interests at heart, who can lead by example, who can love us and teach us the virtues of being noble and principled, and who can champion us for being women and see us as people, we will follow suit.
Our sexuality isn’t the cause, it is the solution- as soon as we decide that it’s not what makes us women.
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