The traditional marriage proposal typically involves a man getting down on bended knee, ring in hand, and balls intact neatly tucked away securely in his pocket snuggled up next to his open wallet. All this coupled (puns rule) with a generous amount of love, unreservedness, and sincere necessity to want to spend the rest of his life with the woman he’s asking.
Usually by the time a man is ready to marry, he has long arrived at a place where he feels he can thoroughly accept and wants to fully embrace marriage with the willingness to become a unit of one, possibly with the intent of raising a family. The key however is, it’s more his decision as to when and with whom he will settle down. That’s why it’s always been traditionally up to the man to be the one to ask.
Some men take to being single until they’re 25, and some still want to roll around naked in it until they’re 45. And some men never marry at all and are more than happy to immerse themselves in a common law co-habitation pact with a woman who doesn’t mind pretending that it’s completely okay with her to settle for what he is so cheaply haggling- a counterfeit nuptial treaty of table scraps that will eventually amount to tidbits intertwined with bitterness and regret.
We never ever see the formal role in reverse with the woman going all out in buying the stunning diamond, getting a football stadium full of people to watch her intently on the Megatron have a glaring starry-eyed moment of glee and gushingness while proposing- and him surrendering himself to the proverbial whimsical magic question with a “Yes, oh yes, I’ll marry you Jane! This is the happiest moment of my life!”
Fade to the culmination of the cheering crowd and her swinging him up from under his legs into her arms, whilst carrying him out to the perfectly planned shiny limousine, where they’ll drive off and begin their newly perfect perfected little lives.
While women don’t necessarily ask men to marry them in the silly exaggeratedly way I just described, women CONSISTENTLY, everyday of their lives, ask their men to marry them, discreetly, indiscreetly, manipulatively, naively, and yet dotingly, BUT their men are saying HELL NO without even having to say it outright.
Instead they say no by stringing them along, by asserting a keen desire to pursue women who are open to half-assed relationships, and by telling these women that marriage isn’t important but that they should opt for a less formal arrangement, hence the common law co-habitation epidemic that’s sweeping many single women off their feet and off their rockers.
The kicker here is that the woman who settles for and hopes that the man she’s with, who more or less imposes the rules surrounding this arrangement, will eventually evolve eagerly into desiring marriage with her, yet she doesn’t get that her constant nuances, jaded belief systems, and pressure-cooker style approaches are keeping her further and further away from marriage than if she were to just stay single.
Here are some indiscriminate ways women are “proposing” to men that just ain’t workin’:
- They agree to move in, play house (maid and all) and assume the role of the dutiful wife without any promise, much less any inkling, that the guy has her in mind as a marriage make. They agree to a “trial phase” which is almost always certain to promote laziness and complacency on the man’s part.
- They keep mentioning how important marriage is to them while they engage in an all out pressure war of wills with the man, not knowing he is becoming less and less passionate about the entire relationship, much less a marriage.
- They agree with him and tell them it’s unimportant and it’s of no real consequence to her to remain unmarried, when deep down inside her, it means everything. However, she thinks that complying with him and his set of ideals by being “flexible” and compliant will get him to change his mind when he realizes just how cooperative and easygoing she is.
- They reduce their standards to suit his, and conform to everything they think he wants by going overboard with the sex thing (i.e. allowing him to do things to her she would never do otherwise), by all-around kissing his ass, and by marching to the beat of his drum in every possible way.
- They don’t follow through with anything that pertains to the cruciality of the relationship as far as, and even in spite of, her needs being left unmet. They threaten to leave him without making good on their threats and they forgive him every time he makes excuses or acts foul, and they continually allow him to come back because they are co-dependent and void of will, which in effect, is counter-intuitive to what a man really wants in a wife.
- They think that by playing the damsel in distress in sending out an SOS whereby, they try and convince the man they need him to survive, he’ll suddenly oblige by rescuing her (into marriage)- that he’ll finally see that her neediness can only be remedied by marriage and commitment. So they feed his ego and make him the pivotal big savior man in their life and they think that will make him want to take on the role of the rescuer. When in fact, putting a man above you, in a much larger capacity than he is willing to take on for himself, is marriage material suicide.
When women test different strategies and employ the use of various manipulative tactics, THESE GUYS KNOW IT. In fact, they are more or less gauging and inevitably wincing at what kind of wife you’d be and ultimately, what kind you won’t. The fact that you’ve taken it upon yourself to pressure, persuade, convince, and “bully” a man into trying to marry you doesn’t make for a good wife and THESE GUYS KNOW IT.
He doesn’t want to be badgered directly, indirectly, coyly or purposefully into marriage. When a man wants to marry you, he’ll let you know it without needing you to have to try and make him realize it at all.
I can also say that a man KNOWS PRECISELY whether he wants to marry you or not. He may have different reasons, reservations and may use an entirely different approach than you might have ever hoped for or expected if and when he does decide to marry you, but he won’t hide behind excuses, lame justifications, nor 110,000 ways of getting you detracted and distracted away from your intentions of making him your husband.
He’ll either marry you or he won’t. And if you have to spend all your time asking him for it, you have it coming even less so than you think you deserve. Find a man who wants to marry you, not insist on wasting an irretrievable amount of your precious time with a man who doesn’t.
A man doesn’t want a woman to ask him for his hand in marriage. And although women don’t ask men customarily nor frank or direct, they do so by scheming, manipulating, and executing power plays- which is simply not effing cool to him any day of the week and even less so on Sunday.
Want a guy to marry you? Quit asking for it. And it also helps to find the guy who is willing to do the asking.
You may also like:
- Don’t Play the Victim When You’re the One Who Picked Him
- Why She’s Throwing Herself at You
- Prying Open That Clammy Guy
- It’s Okay to Be Needy
- Why She Bailed After Date Numero Uno