Being the biggest, most selfish, most self-entitled asshole in the world is a relatively new and modern day tradition- one that people think is gallant, cool, marvelous and fits the grand scheme of the “it’s all about me” selfish mindset we’ve accepted as the societal norm.
In fact, it seems that people are on a mission to compete with each other on just how selfish they can be.
“Hey, check out my car, my house, my fake hair and my padded rear end and by all means, “hate me” because you ain’t me.”
Dude, it totally sucks to be you because it’s all about me.
There are millions of devices, tools and borrowed concepts out there designed to influence our beliefs that it’s all about “us”- that the world is designed with one thing in mind- what it’s going to do to serve OUR needs.
Thus, people have gotten used to pointing the finger back in their own direction with the nuance that it’s perfectly okay that everything they’re doing is to benefit themselves, and they expect people to adjust to their notions that everyone’s agenda should exist primarily to please them.
“What am I going to get out of it?” “How is this going to work for me?” “How is this person going to give me everything I want without getting their hands on what is mine?
And ultimately, let’s not forget, “What does this person have that I can get my filthy little f*cking hands on?”
Yesterday, I presented you with a video that surveyed people on the streets of New York City concerning their ideas on marriage. And from those, some seemed eager, some seemed less than and some seemed as though to get married is to live life in a vacuum- to relinquish your right to self-imposing ideas that revolve around the concept that “I’m bigger and more important than everyone else”. To give up “options” and to settle for a life that is less than something else out there that could be potentially better.
I was a bit surprised to hear one woman say that she was content with living in the co-hagitat situation but I question her sincerity- I know A LOT of women who live like that. And from what I’ve gathered, I can honestly say that for every man who claims that marriage isn’t at all important, there’s a woman standing behind him for which it means the world.
Heaven forbid we ever come around to the idea of caring wholeheartedly about other people and not just ourselves. After all, that’s what makes a marriage successful yet, has become something as passe and worthless as an 8-track tape player.
It’s all about my career, my retirement, and my ass.
Why should I open up my wallet, my personal belief system, my retirement, my home and MYSELF for you?
Why should I put my heart on the line so that I can be vulnerable and welcome you to the idea that you can and will take advantage of me?
And if I do decide to marry you, what am I going to get out of it? How is marrying you going to benefit me when I already have everything I want?
If you already have “everything” you want, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH ME?
If a person places a lot more inherent value on THINGS than people, you don’t want to them anyway. For a person like this, it’s all about checks and balances.
For instance, if you’re super hot but don’t have a college degree or a decent job, or if you have a lot of money but you look like a mule’s ass, WHEN EITHER THE LOOKS FADE OR THE MONEY DRIES UP, THIS PERSON IS GOING TO SEE YOU AS NO LESS THAN A BURDEN. After all, they see you as one NOW.
Contingencies = conditions = contriving BS.
And remember, if you get injured or sick or wind up disabled or are otherwise rendered impotent, you’ll be washed up, useless, and defective and sent right back to where you started.
The other person doesn’t live up to MY expectations.
I’ve mentioned how I feel about expectations. And I have one question for all those selfish asshats out there who think that the other person’s sole existence in life is a fruitless effort to please them:
Who the f*ck are you to drum out a list of expectations? What makes you so much better than everyone else that you expect people to run through their lives with the motivation to make you the sole recipient of all the things you expect them to be?
As I’ve said before, if you expect people to live their lives a certain way according to your qualifications, YOU BETTER BRING JUST AS MUCH, IF NOT MORE, TO THE TABLE AS YOU EXPECT TO GET IN RETURN.
I am thoroughly convinced that people are so delusional to the point of delirium in their expectations of people that they’ve completely forgotten how to look at themselves with the same subjectivity.
And I’ve found that people who have overly lofty expectations are the ones who are the furthest from being perfect. In fact, they’re the ones who could stand to benefit the most from making some badly needed improvements.
If you want to place expectations on people, especially unrealistic ones, maybe you should take a vow to remain alone FOREVER. Sounds befitting to me since no one in the world is ever going to be good enough for you.
I don’t need to marry you to prove that I’m committed to you.
This is no less than a homogenized mixture of bullshit, excuses and the unwillingness to care enough about someone to make the necessary sacrifices needed to keep them around forever, BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT THEM AROUND FOREVER.
“I don’t need to marry you to prove that I’m committed to you” is nothing more than the perfect “here today, gone tomorrow” arrangement.
“I don’t need to marry you because our situation is working out just fine. If it ain’t broke babe, don’t try and fix it.”
You know why the situation is working out just fine and dandy? BECAUSE YOU’VE SETTLED FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S SELFISH IDEA OF AN IDEAL SITUATION. You’re the one hanging around complacent in the fact that the other person doesn’t want to marry you because you’re pandering to the other person’s self-interest.
In essence, you are being an enabler. YOU’RE ENABLING THE OTHER PERSON TO DICTATE THE FACT THAT MARRIAGE IS UNIMPORTANT and will undoubtedly remain so for the entire duration of your doomed to fail relationship.
Let someone rationalize that marriage is unimportant and you’ve just given them license to unconsciously believe and make YOU BELIEVE that YOU ARE UNIMPORTANT.
I don’t want to get married because I don’t want to end up divorced.
This is the mother of all selfish coward cop-outs if there ever was one. The fact that the letter “I” is 1/7 of the entire sentence and says it all.
1) I don’t want to get married.
This is enough right here. There’s no need for further justification. Any time someone tells you they don’t want to get married, THEY DON’T- at least not to you.
2) I don’t want to end up divorced.
Not only do they not want to marry you, it’s also another huge kick upside your thick head that they could very well see themselves divorcing you- a strong indicator that they know in the end it just isn’t going to work.
Additionally, any time a person makes excuses against marriage, THEY DON’T HAVE THE EFFING BALLS TO LOOK BEYOND THEIR OWN SELF-INTERESTS AND OPEN THEMSELVES UP TO THE IDEA OF PLEASING SOMEONE ELSE.
I don’t want to marry you to please you because you exist to please me. And what pleases me is for us to remain trivial, unmarried, and illegitimate because that’s what we are.
So next time that guy/girl tells you they don’t want to marry you, think of them as no less than selfish. Too selfish to see you as someone of whom they want share in their lives with 100%, and for whom the world is too big a place to want to stop and give you a lasting piece of themselves.
Marriage is about self-sacrifice, thinking of two people as one unit, and considering the other person to be as important, if not more important than yourself. And as long as people keep thinking “it’s all about them”, that’s all they’re going to end up with- THEM.
You may also like:
- Key Traits of the Juvenile Losery Guy
- Marriage: An Outdated Concept
- What Really Works For Us Chicks
- I’m Not a Prude I’m Just Ultra-Selective
- What Does It Mean When He Says That He Loves Me
I love having you on my team.
Jackie
I am honored to be part of it. Thank you for having me. :*)
You know another thing that ain’t helping? Social networking. The idea that everyone else in the world gives one little shit what you are doing every second of the day. The idea that having 1,001 “friends” that you only marginally know somehow makes you “popular” and therefore a better person. Thus, even FRIENDSHIPS are reduced to something we use to make ourselves look better. To sell ourselves. To show how awesome WE are.
Ugh.
Of course, I do believe there are people out there who can co-habitate happily and actually do feel marriage isn’t for them. The key point, of course, is that they BOTH agree on why, it’s a valid argument, and no one is just settling because it’s better than *gasp* being alone.
Further side note: if you’re not straight, you can’t get married. I recently went to my state House to show support for marriage equality. Let me tell you something. LGBTQ couples are far from dismantling marriage. Compared to the points you’re making, Feisty, they are the last ones taking it really fucking seriously because they are having to fight for it tooth and nail. You don’t do that for something you don’t want, for someone you aren’t sure you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is the farthest thing from dismantling – it is upholding to the T the sanctity of marriage.
No kidding. People and their 18 million FB friends is all a show. SMH
And people can cohabitate happily indeed, if that’s what both people want. When one party settles, that’s getting shafted.
And the fact that the fight for same sex marriage is still far being over only makes matters worse. Not being able to get married makes people want it more, while with others having the option staring them in the face makes it less appealing. Where’s the effing medium?
Agreed – they will end up with THEM! I don’t know if I would call if selfish or self centered. As stated before – the only reason to marry is for LOVE. I also do believe that some people don’t “marry” per se for other reasons – THANK THE GOVERNMENT FOR THAT! I have seen so many elderly couples lose everything because they are married. Especially when one has to go into a nursing home and the other becomes homeless because they have to sell everything they own before Medicare kicks it to help with the bill. Our state has domestic partnership laws that are damn near equalivant to marriage laws EXCEPT it is not recognized by the Federal Government so it only counts in that state. God help you try to get your domestic partnership social security benefits from the Feds. There is no tax filing status with the Federal IRS that recongizes it either. I am sadden by the state this country is in. People who want to get married can’t and those who don’t get punished as well – single filing status is expensive. Damned if you do – damned if you don’t. We need to bring it back to basics – ITS THE LAWS THAT ARE OUTDATED! The loving union between two people whether they are same sex, opposite sex, age difference or whatever will never be outdated – LOVE IS NEVER OUTDATED! You shouldn’t be punished for being in love.
As for the reasons set forth upon – oh my hell – those are excuses! Get the Eff out of here AND if you hand me one of these excuses I WON’T WANT TO MARRY YOU. Because what you are really saying is I DON’T LOVE YOU.
You’re right Heather, the ONLY reason to marry is for love. And I can’t help but wonder if people are more willing to love themselves than risk really loving someone else. That might then constitute selfishness.
Is love really that hard to find? Or do we stand by completely blinded and guarded and drowning in an ocean full of unrealistic expectations that we miss the opportunity to love?
You gotta remember Feisty in order to give love you must first have love. You cannot give what you do not have. Loving yourself is showing yourself respect, kindness, trust and care. Its not hard to find but you first have to look inside. I imagine alot of these people are making an outward appearance of loving themselves but not really in touch with the insides. If they were in fact self assured and aware then were is the risk? Knowing that you will still stand in the face of adversity and heartbreak, believing that love never dies though it may change and loving like your heart has never been broken is something I think is lost on many people.
Just as the caterpillar thought life was ending it emerged into a beautiful butterfly!
It’s true. You have to have love inside. The real kind and not the kind that’s dressed up in narcissism and uppity poor character. And that’s what a lot of people are all wrapped up in- themselves and their own little self-important worlds.
I agree with Moveup, the kind of self-love she talks about isn’t selfish, it’s the most important thing we can do. Where does the anger from this post come from? You’re right in some aspects…I mean, if one of the two involved wants to get married and the other doesn’t, maybe they shouldn’t be together. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with not getting married. I’ve been there, done that. I find it almost pointless (other than the fantastic party we had). And I’m not jaded about marriage (my ex and I are still best friends, it was a very amicable separation).
Two friends of mine recently got engaged. I asked why they are getting married and pretty much the only reason was for power-of-attorney. They love each other immensely…but otherwise wouldn’t get married if not for some of the legal benefits (I’m talking Canadian law here). They are wholly committed to each other. Why does marriage=commitment? It’s just an institution that’s been rammed down our throats our whole lives, making people feel bad about themselves if it doesn’t happen to them. I don’t think getting married makes two people any more committed to each other. It just makes breaking up a little bit harder.
Hi Sammy. Thanks for stopping in!
I truly wouldn’t expect your case against mine to come from anyone other than someone who was/isn’t married. And I’m not saying my way is the way for everyone, but my marriage and all its success is much, much, more than what I ever expected to get out of a marriage. In fact, I was just as critical and cynical about marriage as most people are before I got married. I never even planned to get married because I too, was very selfish.
However, now I can say that my marriage is the most fulfilling experience of my life. I am very lucky and thankful that I have been blessed with this gift that I hold sacred. The reason why that is, is because my husband and I don’t consider ourselves two people. We share everything- a home, a life, a family, and love and intimacy beyond anything I ever thought was possible. To love the way that we love is selfless- there is no room or cause for selfishness.
And to love that way takes sacrifice- a kind of sacrifice that most people are unwilling to make.
People who are jealous of other peoples wealth and homes and have there own look at it as it’s never enough and that tells me they are not happy with what they are and allways look for more