This month’s topic for The Insomniacs Club is centered around discovering your partner is still actively using their online profile on a dating site.
Online dating is a huge, lucrative, and technologically pervasive millennial phenomenon. Think about it- merely 15 years ago, online dating was barely in its infancy and NOBODY used it, unless it was linked to some nasty escort-type porn site where you paid with your right arm (pun intended) for some cyber chick to come and polish of the old doorknob.
Although, I would also argue that isn’t classified as dating- that’s bare-bones prostitution and definitely wasn’t and isn’t mainstream, even at present.
However nowadays, you got your Craigslists, your Plenty of Fishes, and your eharmonies, and you got plenty of the resulting hapless and relentless edatingonlinesucks failure stories. Seems like a whole lot of bang for your buck as far as bullshit when we hear all too often, people are getting taken for suckers on dating sites time and time again.
I’ve expressed my disdain for online dating in “Dating Services and Getting Shafted” simply because I feel it takes away from the intimacy of meeting in person and the entire formal dating arrangement because a lot of people see it as a license to behave like big blazing bastardly asshats.
I have yet to meet one person who’s completely 100% satisfied in their online dating endeavors towards finding love and commitment, and I can bet with absolute certainty that EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has used online dating services has had at least one bad experience. And if they say they haven’t, they are either extremely lucky, extremely lame or are extreme liars who have huge egos that need a big long wet rubbing.
I realize that dating services are a great avenue to meet people that you wouldn’t have a chance to meet otherwise. However, I have a real problem with the lack of candor and civility that have become the basis and the “norm” in being sheltered among the confines and obscurity of online dating. From the users, to the matchmakers, to the victims- everyone somehow expects that things will go bad at some point, and they are encouraged to proceed with caution and a healthy amount of skepticism.
For example, people should “expect” that when they meet someone online, there’s a decent chance that person is going to be dating others from the site right along with them yet, they’re totally blindsided when they discover it’s happening to them.
And what happens, say a few months down the line, when you think you’ve reached a level of exclusivity and you find out your would-be partner is on there trying to do it up with other people? What the hell are you supposed to then? These dating “experts” and matchmakers sure don’t tell you do they?
So what should you do when you discover some lameoid is still actively using their online dating profile while they’re actively dating you?
Reactivate yours and let them know that you’re okay with seeing other people.
This is the route I’m certain I would take. I would non-chalantly begin seeing other people as well, because you definitely shouldn’t leave any stone unturned.
I’d also be sleeping with them, trying to spend my weekends and every single minute planning out-of-town extravaganzas and family get-togethers with this person. I’d undoubtedly put them at the top of my priority list.
You can let them find out you’re being active on the dating site and by being seen, hope that the pot calling the kettle black will be a good way to get them to open their eyes. It just might get this person on your side and in your corner yet. By being manipulative and sneaky, the person shouldn’t get extremely irritated to the point of no return and shouldn’t forsee that the end is on the horizon.
Or let’s see we can…..
Do the low down thing and make up a fake profile to use as bait.
Some people just need the confirmation that the person is doing dirt and they think that unleashing a Pandora’s box of conspired temptation is going to confirm their suspicions.
They can’t open their effing eyes to the possibility that they’re getting screwed fast and hard up the rear. So what do they do? They make a fakey-fake profile with a super hot girl with juggies abound and start winking at dude to see how he’s going to react. Well, that’s a “fun” way to get the wheels greased up and spinning, but let’s just take a step back here and logically assess the situation before resorting to such extremes:
Said person is STILL USING THE DATING SITE REGARDLESS of whether or not you put up a decoy.
If bleeding out a wound with salt is what you really feel you need to do in order to sleep at night, do it. But don’t think you’re going to be exonerated from the pain and the hell you will cause for yourself.
YOU KNOW HE/SHE IS UP TO NO GOOD IN HANGING AROUND ON A DATING SITE WHILE THEY’RE HANGING AROUND WITH YOU. How much more confirmation do you really need?
Do you realize how absurd, idiotic and depressing all of this sounds? Yet, I am not making up the fact that this is what people do.
Instead, this is what should be done…..
Call them out on it.
Ask them, seriously, what the f*ck man?!?
Did they honestly think you weren’t going to find out about it, or were they doing it intentionally so that YOU WOULD FIND OUT?
It doesn’t take but two licks of common sense for people to know that chances are considerably great that the other person is going to find out you’re still active on your profile if that is where you met them in the first effing place. In fact, I’ve heard people do this on purpose to slight each other so that they can convey, without actually verbalizing it, that they are no longer interested in dating the other person.
People LOVE taking the easy way out because they’re weak as hell and hate confrontation, and using your online dating profile to spite the person you’re dating is a really good way to piss them off and to ensure your success in relationship failure.
Try taking a step back and looking at the situation with an objective eye. If someone is being an intentional jerkoff (which is the only logic behind using a dating site frankly and out in the open), take it as a clue to get the eff out already. Don’t waste anymore of your precious time trying to figure it out. IT’S DEAD IN THE WATER.
Cut them off.
Establish a rule from the get-go if the relationship starts taking off that it isn’t effing okay for dude/chick to keep using the dating site. Period. Have a “canceling of the dating profiles ceremony” together if you must. Just make sure that it is known to the other person that it isn’t open for negotiation.
Of course, in the initial stages of a relationship, it is to be expected that the person is going to continue dating other people, BUT IF THEY ARE LEADING YOU TO BELIEVE SOMEWHERE DOWN THE LINE THAT THERE IS HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, THEY SHOULDN’T KEEP USING THE DATING SITE. PERIOD.
People talk about dealbreakers and being stern with this and that, and how ABCDE & F doesn’t work for them. Well, add this one to the list. If it isn’t okay with you, DON’T LET IT HAPPEN and if it does, GET RID OF THEM.
Maybe I still remain a bit old-fashioned in that I believe people should meet by chance. By being in the right place at the right time, by knowing the right people and BEING RIGHT WITH YOURSELF. Why? Because that’s the only thing that ever works.
That’s the only thing that ever worked for me and I’ve never used a dating site. Coincidence? Perhaps not.
Other takes on the matter from The Insomniac Club:
Awaiting Vesuvius by Jack From Brooklyn
Confirming My Suspicion by Simone Grant
Cheating in Cyberspace by MetAnotherFrog
Does it Matter if Your Lover has an Online Dating Profile by The Urban Dater
Active in the Last 24 Hours by Miss Taylor Cast
Secret Online Profiles by Women Are From Mars
When Your SO Still Has a Profile On an Online Dating Site By Jess Downey
What Would An Insomniac Do by Lucky Gal
The Insomniacs Club and the Jungle of Online Dating by Lena
Ms. Scorned Woman By The Manshopper