I’ve been reading a lot lately about the widespread disparaging ideas surrounding marriage all around, especially on the side of men. For instance, I read a quote from a guy somewhere along the lines of “If I had to be married to have sex, I’d be married and so would all the guys I know.” He’s exactly right. Why pay full price for something when it’s on closeout everywhere else you look?
Sex WAS the reason for marriage up until the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, and since the “Women’s Lib” movement in favor of all out sexual freedom and independence crapped all over the institution of marriage and made it an act of dissidence by any prehistoric measurement. Why get married anymore when nobody sees any benefit? All people see now is what they stand to lose.
Stringer guys lose money, dignity, nights away with their bros, freedom, independence, retirement savings, pensions, cheaper medical coverage, meaningless cheap sex, Saturday football tailgate parties, VIP passes to the strip joint, free single guy lunches at Hooter’s, hags phone numbers, discounts on GQ and Hustler magazine and most importantly, they lose their ability to remain emotionally and intimately closed off.
Ask any stringer guy why he doesn’t want to get married and he’ll give you EVERY selfish reason in the world. Mind you, he’ll be laughing it up with his buddies and mocking every reason, and NOT TELLING HER.
Stringer men have developed a rationale towards marriage that encompasses disbelief, non-necessity, and an outright loathsomeness against it, as though women are purposefully driving giant square pegs into the tiny round holes of their rear ends. The men who staunchly believe marriage is for the birds either haven’t met the right woman yet, they’re too effing cheap, or they can’t grow up and remove the soggy diapers hanging from their behinds.
Most of them don’t get it until they’ve got a 3”x 3” crowning bald spot eating away at their scalps and require a fancy prescribed air-compressed pump to sustain an erection. By then, their idea of being a great catch is down the drain, along with their once smooth wrinkle free skin, flat abs and their winning macho hand.
There’s a type of man who is likened to a deadly form of cancer that women who want to get married someday should recognize and avoid like they’d avoid drinking contaminated water in Thailand. They’re called stringers. And they make a career out of stringing women along one by one, year after year, to serve their own selfish needs. They suck the best years out of a woman’s life and keep her inspired with empty pledges that marriage is just right around the corner. Trust me ladies, the guy’s never going to marry you.
A stringer makes no apologies for ruining a woman’s better years with promises of commitment that are never to be fulfilled. In summary, a stringer doesn’t have the balls to get married because he’s a selfish asshat who can’t pony up the courage to be anything big to anybody but himself. He’s the big shot in his own mind and he’s the main attraction and only his needs suffice.
Here’s some good indications that the guy you’re with is a stringer:
- He can talk his way out of marriage until the cows come home.
I’m sure this guy has said ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, “I don’t believe in marriage” or “nobody gets married anymore” or “marriage doesn’t make two people love each other”. If you’ve heard him say this, and you stick around, it’s your funeral, not his. In fact, if he’s said this even once, he has no intention of marrying you EVER. Cut your losses and quit playing the role of the merry fool. That’s what a stringer guy banks on.
- There is always some contingency on your part you haven’t held up to.
You haven’t finished college, you aren’t making enough bread, you haven’t lost the last 5 pounds nor have you gotten your checkbook nailed down to the last red cent. And when you finally do run through his obstacle course and win with flying colors, you’re still not up to par because the two dimples on your rear end haven’t smoothed out and your mother is a nasty pig who keeps crapping on his dinner plate every time she comes around.
There will always be some excuse that’s ultimately your fault, that will always remain a big slap across your face.
- There is always some contingency on HIS part he hasn’t held up to.
He’s not making enough money, he’s too scared, and he’s got a pimple on his rear end he hasn’t yet lanced. He hasn’t been fully vested in his employer retirement plan, he hasn’t bought a house, and he’s not ready to have children. He’s not….
Just like all the items on your trusty long drawn contingency list, he’s got a dozen and 10 items on his.
- He hasn’t proposed in the first 18 months.
18 months, shmeighteen months. If the guys hasn’t proposed in the first SIX, he isn’t lagging like molasses, he’s cementing himself into stone that his position of remaining unmarried to you stands. Guys know RIGHT AWAY if you’re “The One” with whom they want to share their lives, their homes, and their babies. If he hasn’t done something nearly right away, he NEVER plans to.
- You’ve already moved in with him.
He won’t address the marriage issue, but he’ll have you move in with him and play the part. You get to cook his meals, wash the skids out of his drawls and pay half his notes, not to mention you get to service him some freaky sex so that he no longer has to jerk off. It’s different if he’s already proposed and you’ve begun planning the wedding and have set a date. THEN YOU CAN MOVE IN. If you don’t have ANY of those things, you’re digging for gold and turning up brass.
- He won’t get near you without double-backed condoms.
The obligation of babies looming in the backdrop of your co-hag-itat situation is an utter nightmare for a stringer. He must ensure that you don’t foil his future by trapping him with pregnancy, so he makes sure two condoms are glued to his peepee at all times.
NO ifs, ands, or buts. Especially no “butts” unless they’re of the backdoor kind. Even then, he’d rather not chance it because his sick logic is telling him that you’d do anything to trap him, even if that means redesigning your physical anatomy to allow for impregnation up the rear. He’s not putting anything past you OR his prophylactics.
- He’s been with other women before you YEARS ON END without marrying them.
Take his track record of past relationships into thorough consideration. If he lived in a concubine hag situation before and he never thought of marrying her, what makes you honestly think you’ll be any different? If a guy has gotten by for years on end without having to marry, don’t think he’s going to magically up and do it for you when you can easily be replaced. After all, you replaced her didn’t you?
I hate to have to be the bearer of bad news, but a stringer guy is just that, nothing more, nothing less. Marriage isn’t on his agenda anymore than getting fat, ugly or old is on yours. And before you know it, that’s how you’re going to end up before he’ll ever decide (if he does at all) on throwing a ring on your finger and by then, your choices will be very limited.
If you want to get married, find someone who wants to marry you, not someone who “can’t make up his mind” because it’s already been made. Let the stringer guy hang himself by his own string.
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Reminds me of almost ALL of my brothers ex-girlfriends. He told them flat out he would never remarry, yet they all stayed, year in and year out, waiting to be “The One” who will change his mind. I even remember them sitting down with my mother, asking her why he won’t marry them/ what they can do to MAKE him marry him. When they left him (they ALL left him), they accused him of wasting their time.
If you want to get married and the person has stated, especially point blank (short of hiring a plane to sky write it) that they don’t want to ever get married, LISTEN TO THEM. If you choose to stay, hoping against hope, then you have no right to blame them.
My brother did find a woman who he asked to marry him. She dumped him before the wedding…hmmm…never got the true story on that one.
Hi Magic!
The fact that your brother told these women he wouldn’t marry them says a lot about him. At least he had the nads to be honest about it from the get-go. And you’re absolutely right that if women stay and hope for more and they don’t get what they hope for, they really have no one to blame but themselves.
Wow, I’d love to hear more about the woman who did end up dumping him though. Do tell…..
All I know about the woman who dumped him is: he was MADLY in love with her and as a person, she was very independent & generous. I know she really wanted children. As for my brother, he HATES children & never wanted any. I’m pretty sure that was the “real reason” it ended. He claims that “she chose religion over me”. HUH??? She went to church but she certainly wasn’t Polly PrissyPants! Anyway, he bought her an antique wedding dress & when they split up, he sent her the bill for the dress…make of it what you will, but I think he was “putting on a show” for her & couldn’t maintain the facade of a gentleman. He even left the room when he passed gas when she was around. As a person who’s face he has farted in (what are brothers for?), I knew he was putting on an act! He realized what he got himself into and finally cracked. However, he has been “with” the same woman now for over 15 years. They maintain their separate homes & lives and it seems to have worked out well for both of them. Sorry this is long-winded, as I am heavily caffeinated right now.
Definitely sounds like the desire to have children was the deal breaker. Sounds like she was a real good woman and she is the type of woman men kick themselves over for the rest of their lives when she slips through their fingers. I can tell by the way he gushed over her that he may never get over her, hence why his current 15-year flame has remained a steady small flicker.
Women like this tend to only come along once or twice in a man’s life it seems. I’m impressed by her and I don’t even know her. Sounds like you thought a lot of her too.
Again FW you have nailed it. Last ASS was a perpetual bachelor – mid 50s never married – no kids. His excuse was he has ADD and didn’t want to pass that on to anyone AND he says this to a Mom of a special needs now adult (Asperger). I would not trade my son for anything! That’s a lame excuse. Any offspring of his would be better off without him anyway. I did take a shot at him on the way out – ok what are going to do when you are old and gray – who is going to take care of you – wipe your ass and change your diapers. Certainly not ME! He will die a lonely old man with no one to witness his passing or celebrate his life. Stringers are very here and now people – they don’t think of the future mainly because they don’t think! Laugh now buddy but its not so funny when a complete stranger has to give you a sponge bath. Maybe they should go on a tour of a local nursing home and take a good look of what the future holds. I worked in them for years.
I didn’t want to marry him anyway – that alone should have told me something. My now hubby begged me to marry him and happily I said YES!
If you want it then you better put a ring on it!
I just don’t understand the gull some men have to front the whole deal of marriage and end up content with being alone anyway. Stringers don’t have the guts to be alone yet they don’t have the guts to get married. They do however have the guts to be ball-less babies who make up tons of excuses even when they’re older than dirt. By then, there’s no standing room left for excuses especially when they look the equivalent of an old rusted Dodge sitting on blocks.
The time period thing is really good… 6 months.. My experience has been a bit the opposite… Move intogether right away and play house.. I hear “you really don’t know anybody until you have lived with them” 6 months later… Moving out. LOL
This has been a track record of mine the past several years… “Jumping” all with the intention of getting married. (usually)
So I agree… Don’t move in until you got it set up and bloodwork done. 6 months is a good trial. 18 months and still just goofing around? Quit it all together LOL..
But hey, Ya know.. I ain’t a dweeb… I’m just a sucker with no self esteem.
I do have some friends that are still together 20 years and counting… They did finally get married when a baby came…But…whatever works… Ya know?
LOVE that song Dave!! Offspring was a fav back in my high school days.
That “move in trial period” thing is a stringer’s dream come true. If I was single, I’d invest in that about as much as I’d invest in a lifetime supply of plastic dog doo. The dog doo would easily outlast the trial period but it doesn’t make it any more appealing.
You sound like a guy who really wants to get married. That’s a wonderful thing! Not being afraid to wholeheartedly commit says a lot about a man. I hope you and your girl find yourselves strolling down that path.
<3
Nailed it! I dated a stringer for 4 months and had to just walk away after so much frustration. It hurt, because all other aspects were good about him (the harder it made for me to leave!)
But I agree, if the guy is hot/cold, flaky, shady, whatever, the best thing we can do is simply take the walk. A friend told me point blank when I asked her advice, she said don’t waste your time! She is so right! I know many women that are just hanging around waiting to “change” the man, or for him to choose them over many others. Whatever! You’re right, these stringers suck the best years out of women! As well as their energy, self-worth and all that good stuff!
I also met an ex back when I was younger and quickly started playing house, and yes, I was expected to relieve him from masturbation- yuck! Can’t believe I put myself through all that! We live and learn- that’s my motto. So be it, as long as I survive a better and stronger person!
Hi Miriam!! <3
You're right that many of us hope to "change" the men we're with. A stringer never changes unless he's struck by serious illness, destitution, or a traumatizing near-death experience. Your friend gave you some sound advice. Don't waste a single minute of your time.
Don’t know if anybody will read this as the post is old…I was reading as I’ve been curious about my husband’s past…he asked me to marry him after we had been together for only 5 months (we’d been sort of ‘on and off’ for a few months before though), and we’re very happily married now, so I obviously wouldn’t describe him as a stringer. But before meeting me he was in a 12 – year -relationship with a girl he never married. They got together and moved in when they where like 16 and went through a lot of not so good experiences together (drugs and so on), and he’s told me they had more of a brother – sister like relationship than a romantic relationship. Still, she left him in the end and it was really hard for him. I often wonder if he did not plan to break up with her at some point (after 12 years!), so what did he want to do? He has often told me he has always dreamed of getting married and having a family, and it was like a dream come true when he asked me. So I wonder why was he staying with her if he didn’t want to marry her?